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    dots Submission Name: Where They Gatherdots

    Author: Indigo Kid
    ASL Info:    33/f/everywhere
    Elite Ratio:    3.73 - 428/438/115
    Words: 70
    Class/Type: Poetry/Alone
    Total Views: 1012
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 470


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    dotsWhere They Gatherdots

    My rapidly beating heart
    grinding to the rhythm of
    the sound of nothing.

    My hopes building to a crescendo with
    the engine of each approaching car,
    only to descend with its passing sound.

    Shadows speaking to me
    as some ink blot a
    psychiatrist would inquire about.

    Yearning for the distant islands
    built by clouds on the horizon
    where they gather away from me.

    Submitted on 2005-08-19 17:58:58     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I feel like this peice was a bit disconnected, and it was extremely short. Good flow, even though it seemed a bit unbalanced, it workes for this. Keep it up.
    | Posted on 2006-01-27 00:00:00 | by Imadjinn | [ Reply to This ]
      Yearning for the distant islands
    built by clouds on the horizon
    where they gather away from me... the images tis poem delivers is incredible. I look forward to reading more of your poetry. It made me feel longing for whats to come and what has already past.
    | Posted on 2005-08-19 00:00:00 | by stormyskye | [ Reply to This ]
      very nice. i like the feeling of speed, the beating heart tempo. not bad at all.

    maybe slow it down here a little:
    Shadows speaking to me
    as some ink blot- a doctor
    would inquire about its meaning.
    add that little dash, because i found i stumbled over that part. other than that, it seems you are experienced enough to edit your own. nice work.
    | Posted on 2005-08-19 00:00:00 | by NoMoreGoodbyes | [ Reply to This ]
      This has a unique sound of loneliness to it that I haven't read in other "lonely" poems. I like the originality.
    I think the second stanza speaks to me most as I have been in that spot. With every approaching car your heart rapidly beats with excitement or anticipation...then descends into disappointment as it passes on by.
    Each stanza has its own uniqueness.
    A nice write.
    | Posted on 2005-08-20 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ]
      Like Sandra said this is a very unique poem.
    I too have read other poems based on the feeling of being lonely but this one is diffrenet to mme because you have described that feeling vividly.

    Nice job and nice to see you posting again.

    | Posted on 2005-08-21 00:00:00 | by armand | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked the first but part, but the second part not so much I felt it drifted away from what the originall first part of the poem was about which was loneliness and waiting for some one. I felt it took the view from your loneliness to a bit of a day dream. the imagery was really good and I liked the thought of sitting a darkend part of the house waiting for someone that is close or dear. and the second part I liked the thought of a get away a fantasy where nothing can go wrong. but the two together I guess just isn't me fancy. but hey that's just my opinion. have a good one okay?
    - emily
    | Posted on 2005-08-22 00:00:00 | by hidden lady | [ Reply to This ]

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