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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Blood Stained Betrayaldots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Naymless
    ASL Info:    15/F/phx, az
    Elite Ratio:    4.44 - 142/110/33
    Words: 297
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1143
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1827



    Description:
       Not one of my best poems but its the only one I could think of at this moment. Basically the poem tells the story as well as the title.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBlood Stained Betrayaldots
    -------------------------------------------


    You hold my heart in your hands,
    And Im not sure I want it back,

    I didnt want to fall this hard,
    I wasnt supposed to fall so fast,
    And yet I wore a smile as I plummeted,

    But youll just add my heart to the collection,
    So we might as well be strangers,
    This day holds a secret of sweet sorrow,
    As I walk along the crowd tainted in happiness,

    And just as my future looks brighter,
    This love pushes me back,
    Into my days of hiding,
    Anything would be fine,
    But love,

    I went to hell and back,
    Looking for this simple life,
    But instead I woke up into this unwanted dream,
    And this is the irony of love,
    Because I cant wake up,

    Is this really the good life?
    Living without you,
    But when you pass by,
    My smile wears the color of hate,
    My eyes filled with love,
    And my face looks empty,

    My life gets better as I move on,
    But I know Ill always wait for you,
    My hope dangling from that empty promise,
    That promise made from my broken dreams,

    If everything went wrong,
    Id be happy,
    So I want you to feel my heart beat stop,
    I want you to wake me up,
    And stop me from dreaming,
    Of your death,

    In my hand I hold,
    My one way ticket to hell,
    This blood stained blade,
    Tainted with my tears and fingerprints,
    You said to me- I hate you,
    You whispered to me- Do you really think you get away with this?
    You told me- This isnt the end,
    You promised me-Ill be back.
    Then you left me,
    With betrayal written in blood,
    The same blood on my hands.




    Submitted on 2005-08-19 22:25:10     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is amazing!!!! Really it is! The thoughts you put on paper perfectly represent feeling people have but can't seem to describe, yet you did it perfectly! I'm in love with this. You're amazing, please keep it up!
    | Posted on 2007-03-15 00:00:00 | by maggot4life6969 | [ Reply to This ]
      your first two lines sucked me in, and i stayed glued to the screen like a nerd. ^_^ it was worth it! there is so much painful betrayal in this piece that i almost didnt want to see the outcome.
    "You'll just add my heart to the collection"
    i love that line... ive witnessed people like that first hand, and they use and abuse, its not right.
    your last stanza... oh my God. so much emotion, packed so hopelessly tight that you think it might burst at any moment. its intense! your last three lines leave off perfectly. i love this.
    good job.

    - Michi
    | Posted on 2007-01-24 00:00:00 | by _Phoenix | [ Reply to This ]
      i can't believe this piece only has four comments i thought this was a really detailed poem, the opening two lines put the reader in the mind of thought and questioning, is it really worth it, to have a heart only means more pain, the second stanza was really twisted and put a spin on the rest of the piece, even though u were falling, being lost, nothing mattered, lifes worries would disappear, the third stanza was really weird and it took me a while to understand what was happening "tainted in happiness" makes it seem like a bad thing to be happy, makes it seem like that to be happy means nothing more then being sad. stanza five seemed to hold lots of meanings the idea of waking up in a dream made it seem as though your life was a mirror reflection to something perfect. the fact that your dream was unwanted made it seem forced like your life was structured as a lie. the sixth stanza portrays someone confused someone full of different emotions. stanza seven however was etched with longing that even though hate was their, even though pain and hurt were still there you clung to the hope that a broken dream, a broken promise was still only a hand space away. stanza eight, i felt was a silent cry for vengence, the fact that it didn't matter if something went wrong made it seem as though even if you died it would be better then it was even if your happiness was replaced with sorrow, you would take what would come. the final stanza was a twisted ending, the words of a dying betrayal hanging on the fact that nothing ever ends.

    my pain
    | Posted on 2006-02-25 00:00:00 | by my pain | [ Reply to This ]
      Woah. This is one really twisted piece of work. It potrays the image well. With your words you speak volumes about Yourself and your emotions. it feels as though you put alot of yourself into this poem, which in turn makes it all the better to read. I relly like the fact that in the end, you tried to kill him insted of yourself. Murder is justifyable whereas suicide is rather a weak excape. what suprised me was that you portrayed a want of death for yourself, yet decided to deliver it otherwise elsewhere. This is a strongly written poem, and I think in a twisted way, it"s beautiful.
    I give this work my congradulations, and also I give them to you for your talents.

    ~Rob~
    | Posted on 2006-01-26 00:00:00 | by ThisIsReal | [ Reply to This ]
      i liked it. your words are powerful adn they flow well to. i like the theme and the ending. its really good and the way you worte everything kept my attention good job
    | Posted on 2005-08-19 00:00:00 | by ira | [ Reply to This ]
      amazing i felt your hurt each verse was sharp like the blade you hold i too hav efelt utter betrayal and still go back for more pain keep writing
    | Posted on 2005-08-19 00:00:00 | by meandmyshadow | [ Reply to This ]
      wow. if you knew the week i've had then you would understand why this is very close to me. the first two lines sucked me in immediately. and i stayed and was blown away as i read on. the amount of emotion you've put into it is freightening but great. i wish i could find more poems on this site that are as honest. i loved it. please keep writing.
    | Posted on 2005-08-20 00:00:00 | by Butterfly Bullets | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    71278

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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