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Many deeds that began for good,
Is used for acts - cruel,
Atmosphere of evil mood,
For the corrupted, governing brood.
But history tends to repeat itself,
So the twisted will survive,
Innocents will not assert themself,
Suffering will come to all alive.
An innocent act, suggested by,
Entities with reasons - nice,
Twisted so people will die,
Followed by gasps 'Oh, my!'
We all live in a Twisted World,
Forever cruel and wicked,
The world will remain icy cold,
Until the day it will fold.
| A thought provoking write, it shows the reality of the world we live in today in a very simple manner. The main grammar mistake I picked up on was 2nd stanza, last line, 'Suffering will come to all alive.' Although it may not be a grammar mistake depending on how you meant it, it cetainly doesn't fit with the rhythm you have built up. Thanks.||| Posted on 2004-06-07 00:00:00 | by selfbetrayal | [ Reply to This ] || well, welcome to elite skills first of all. i could analyze this puppy to no end but not going to, the twisted will survive it is the plain, boring individuals that are destroying this world. good write very thought provoking. peace kevin||| Posted on 2004-04-14 00:00:00 | by kjb | [ Reply to This ] || Aside from grammar and spelling errors, I found the piece more vague than mysterious. You can find much of your assertions in the Book of Revelation in the New Testament.|
If you want to write in depth, I suggest using metaphors that describe what you wish to convey. Obscurity is not a virtue.
|| Posted on 2004-04-15 00:00:00 | by The Gadfly | [ Reply to This ] || grammar and spelling errors? could you please point them out to me so I can see?|
I've never read the Bible, at least not thoroughly, so if there's a link, it's completely unintentional, but oh well.
And as always, I'm so misunderstood.
But never mind that.
Thanks for the comments, I'll keep them in mind
|| Posted on 2004-04-15 00:00:00 | by runedot | [ Reply to This ] || Welcome to the site. You have a subject/ verb agreement error in "Innocents will not assert themself." It should be themselves. I'm not keen on rhymed "depressed" poetry. Rhyme tends to make depressed poems sound like sick nursery rhymes.||| Posted on 2004-04-15 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ] || I don't know what to say about it. I liked it, It just made me think. Now I'm not smart, and I'm certainly not deep.(and I don't speak english very well) So my opinion is pretty low, but it does make me think.||| Posted on 2004-04-15 00:00:00 | by Das_Ein_Sinender | [ Reply to This ] || Yeah, I notice it now, I guess I was concentrating to much on rhyming, I've got this belief that all poems should rhyme, unless there's a good reason why not.|
You can write a poem that rhymes for no reason, but you need one to not rhyme.
Pretty strange, but that's what I am.
I'll keep these comments on mind next time I write something, thanks
|| Posted on 2004-04-15 00:00:00 | by runedot | [ Reply to This ] |