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For You...


Author: Raven_s Miser
ASL Info:    16-female- wap
Elite Ratio:    4.64 - 68 /54 /18
Words: 62
Class/Type: Poetry /Love
Total Views: 754
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 327



Description:


take is as you may


For You...



I never thought in a million years,
That I could feel the way that I feel,
I must confess to you, That it was instantly right from the start,
A special bond between you and my heart,
How it skips a beat whenever our eyes meet,
And simply said the reason being,
Because I love you




Submitted on 2005-08-20 14:04:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  isn't love grand... we love so deeply and so honestly.. so many words can describe it and yet not really describe it...

how can I critic your words that mean so much to you about love when the variety over whelms me just to hear so many different thoughts on love makes my heart melt.. great write
mauh
Penny
| Posted on 2005-08-20 00:00:00 | by pennymarie | [ Reply to This ]
  nice poem, but first off you can split the third line to make it 3 and 4. the way that you have it there is a bit awkward because of the capital "T" that's there. commas are there to use as pauses and for every line, you don't have to put a pause at the end. it messes up the flow of the peice. remove it from line 1 and put a period at the end of line 2 if you want to use punctuations. as for line 4, is the bond between you and him or him and your heart? or your heart and his heart?
you can also do w/o the "and" on the last night, you don't have to indicate that, the rest of the poem already does, it's somewhat repetitive. you can say,
"Simply the reason being
I love you."
few food for thought

dylanpoe's girl
| Posted on 2005-08-20 00:00:00 | by dylanpoe | [ Reply to This ]
  Simple and sweet. I like it.
I wonder if...
I never thought in a million years
is a bit cliché.
Perhaps something more specific could work.
Perhaps:
If I thought for a million years I would never imagine.

Or something that sounds more original.

Just a suggestion. I can feel your intent in the piece and that is the most important thing.
| Posted on 2005-08-21 00:00:00 | by beatthedrum | [ Reply to This ]
  I like it Samm. though no offense to penny but that wasn't really a review. As for the writing...great..it spoke much in so little and said what we all feel at one time or another whether it be simple or not. I loved it Samm...its going on the favorites so long as I can get it to work. lol Good job as usual. I'll see you around.
| Posted on 2005-08-21 00:00:00 | by Restless_Heart | [ Reply to This ]
  Samm,
Hey, I like this. You are way more creative then me. So yeah I agree with Joe completely. Talk to u later.
| Posted on 2005-08-23 00:00:00 | by ajjax1705 | [ Reply to This ]


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