Description: Someone from the site commented on a poem and said I should just write and forget about the rhyming. Well I gave it a shot. Instead of re writing that poem I wrote this.
The visual of this was nice. I imagined sitting next to you on a porch swing and watching it happen. and it almost broke my heart. The lantern gave this poem a country feel it to. kinda makes me miss home... but not the heart ache. i personally think this is a depressed poem or maybe a longing poem. but thats because you did a good job at bringing in the emptiness of sitting on the porch, waiting for a girl that may never come back.
well, this is a good poem, i'd have to have that there is nothing wrong with rytheming all the time, and or not rytheming at all, with this one it goes well at some places then it does other, you have a better flow in someof the stanzas but in a few it is there and then the last line or the last word just stops it, going over this might be able to fix that but i think that it needs a little work. for me this really wasn't a drepressed poem is was more lof a love sick kind, the guy wants the girl she's there and then she is gone.
I think, as far as rhyming goes in poetry, you need to have a simple pattern, or not rhyme at all. As for the structure of this particular poem... Not too shabby! I really like how it circles back to the beginning, didn't see it coming, but it works nicely. It can be tough to write poems like that, that actually make sense.
Submission Name: Vanished
