Description: ahhh not really expecting approval but a few suggestions would be nice.
Tainted, then Painted -------------------------------------------
I know that you don't approve
Of who I am
Of what I think, and wear
Of all the things I say
Especially what I say to you
If I say anything at all
I know you want to change me
So heres your chance
Its your turn to paint me
Don't screw up like I obviously have
Paint carefully, perfectly
Paint me speechless so I can't talk back
Paint me colorful so I can't just wear black
Paint me beautiful so you can have something to be proud of
Paint me adorable so you'll have someone to love
Paint me agreeable so we won't argue anymore
Paint me polite so I won't slam my door
Paint me poised so I won't fall
Or paint me invisible so you can't see me at all
Because isn't that what you've wanted all along?
Good poem, you've gotten alot of good feedback *lol* Mine's good, only thing that threw this for me was the flow. It it like two different works collided and you could sort out which one should go where so you threw them together. Great subject matter and quite vivid otherwise though.
"Or paint me invisible so you can't see me at all Because isn't that what you've wanted all along?" That's so sad... It's a beautiful poem, almost lyrical. It gives me the impression that you don't get along with a parent of yours. Sorry to speak out of turn, but at the very least it's a great one. I think it'll go in my favs.
This is how i feel most of the time I feel like there is always someone around me who wants to change me and there always is I want to change myself alot because I'm not accepted by everyone I try to be like all my friends but the truth is i can't because then i wouldnt be me!!!
omg i am in love with this poem. i have to admit though, in the beginning i thought it was gonna be just another one of those predictable poems, where you've heard the same lines just in a different order in about a hundred other poems, but you for sure pulled it off. the lines: "Paint me speechless so I can't talk back" and.. "Or paint me invisible so you can't see me at all Because isn't that what you've wanted all along?" perfectly original...i am adding this to my favorites. most definatly. write on... </3 lisa
so basically your front page is messed because i couldnt leave a comment back or my computer isnt working. Either way im trying to say thanks for being honest with your comment pertaining to my poem. Just to clarify a few things ..um the reason why i posted that: i didnt want sympathy and i wrote that little aside at the beginnimg because people automatically assume things. ive written so many poems about some other peoples experiences and ive gotten crap about how i shouldnt do certain things and such. Idk since the poem was about me i just decided to put it out there that i didnt want any of that kind of feedback. Another thing - i didnt intend for it to sound like "woe is me". although i didnt try to avoid it either. Those were my true feelings, i never said that i thought i deserved love, actually quite the opposite. I do hate poems that are like "woe is me" so idk it sucks that it seemed that way to you. in any case im very glad that you dont have sympathy, because i wanted my poem to get across the fact that im doing this to myself. I wanted people to see the ugly side..and im glad you saw it. IM SORRY THIS IS AN ESSAY!
By the way.. the last two lines of you poem are my favorite. And your name is jack and my name is jill..and that makes me sortof happy:].
Oh, yea. Been through this crap, been at the receiving end of it. I love the different 'paint me's and then at the end, 'paint me invisible' - very powerful delivery. Definitely going on my list of favorites!
Wow! I can totally see this. I want to know who your writing to It just makes me want to know you and more of your writing. It reminds me alot of my family life and the wants of my parents. Thank god I am an adult and don't have to hide anymore. Wonderful.
You placed this under a “being a teen” but it could be red in a different ways, and that’s good. Probably, this is bout your relationship with your mother. It reminds me so much of my mom and me some 10 or 15 years ago. But on the other hand it could be about my boyfriend and me these days. The poem has a good flow. I think your approach is very creative. I loved it. It’s much better than most of the teen angst poetry around.
hey look, this is deep. i have no suggestions for you because when you wrote this it was the way you were feeling so there for it is already perfect. keep it up keep it coming and keep it deep. nice work
The only suggestion I have for you is to not change a thing. This is my idea of perfect. I love every line. Very original. Great wording and flow. I love the way it rhymed too. Wow. You are so talented. This is definitely a favorite. I don't even know what else to say. Great job
This is extraordinary! I loved every single line, I loved how perfect it flowed and the imagery that you created! It was brilliant! I am utterly speechless...This is going to my favs list! You are a very talented writer, sweety, keep up the fantastic work! Alissa
Wow...This basically just sums up my relationship with my mom. Really amazing. I honestly don't know what else to say except that I love it. Great work here, don't change a thing. Thanks for sharing, write on :)