The Miracle by Muse in White

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Submission Name: The Miracle dots

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Author:	Muse in White
ASL Info:	17 F Singapore
Elite Ratio:	4.81 - 30/29/7
Words:	118

Class/Type:	Poetry/Nature
Total Views:	351
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	803

Description:
Just a poem I wrote about the word "miracle", my favorite love word. (and yes, an orchid as a smell, you can try it :-)

The Miracle dots

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We must have forgotten
How the sun warms our faces
And illuminates the days,
Luxurious nature,

We must have forgotten
The sweet flavour of an apple,
The delicate smell of an orchid,
The softness of a feline fur.

We must have forgotten
The beauty of the stars,
The purity of Lady Moon,
The serenity of a black sky.

We must have forgotten
The dizziness of love,
The warmth of skin,
The smile in an eye.

We must have forgotten it all
To fight, to kill, to hate,
To discriminate, to destroy
A world of paradise.

But when I'm with you,
I just want to remember
That each day is
A Miracle

Submitted on 2005-08-21 02:57:51 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  Miracle ... I like that word as well. Too many days go by with people forgetting. Your poem reminds of us of the beauty that does surround us ... even in the midst of all the evil.

You use great imagery in this piece. Makes the reader want to close their eyes and remember these simple little "miracles." A great poem for hope.

Thanks you. :-)

-Cyn
| Posted on 2005-08-29 00:00:00 | by Cyntia | [ Reply to This ]
  mm the tastes and smells that you pain in this picture are really warm and enticing. The four first stanzas paint this lovely picture ..which had me caught in an element of lovely surprise as i read your fourth stanza. This stanza is actually what made thise lovely image not turn overripe and sour. I think it is however missing something. The way it stands now it just seems like a nihilistic sort of affection for destruction.. for seeing little pieces scatter and leave them. I don't know if this is something you intended.. but I think maybe the beauty lies in the rebuilding of the images in new complexities after the destruction ..
whati mean to say is that i wanted to add somerhing to the image to complete it .. the way i see it .. i hope you dont mind ..

We must have forgotten it all
To fight, to kill, to hate,
To discriminate, to destroy
to rebuild
A world of paradise.

.. this makes it an ascending image rather than a descending .. and was feeling that the image should be an ascending one ..

Also your last stazna seems a bit wavering and not as certain as the rest of your poem ..

But when I'm with you,
I just want to remember
That each day is
A Miracle

..the 'i just want to' is something don't think this poem needs. we are talking about the miracle right ? .. notthe possible miracle or the hopeof a miracle or the miracle that can maybe happen .. heh .. sorry.. I hope you see what I mean .. I just think it would be a much morepowerful ending if you just cut this out and just said ;

But when I'm with you,
I remember
That each day is
A Miracle

.. thank you for a lovely poem ..andI really like how you see Miracle as a love word..the sun isshining abit brighter now.
| Posted on 2005-08-29 00:00:00 | by x-ianhoyskolt | [ Reply to This ]
  Very good message here, we should remember all of the little things that make life worth living. I liked this poem and the only thing I can suggest is to edit one sp error, you're missing a 'z' i dizziness. But, overall, a good post. cher
| Posted on 2005-08-21 00:00:00 | by Inducted_Kitty | [ Reply to This ]
  I wanted to argue with you about the myth of the idyllic savage until i read that last stanza, then it became a very nice love poem. The sentiment that being with someone you love can push away all the cynicism and despair from your mind, is one that i wholeheartedly agree with.

constructive stuff; maybe more specificity in the second stanza. Like apple in the place of fruit. A specific thing can sharpen an otherwise fuzzy image in the senses of the reader and i didn't get the impression that you needed to go for generalisations there.
| Posted on 2005-08-21 00:00:00 | by Snarf | [ Reply to This ]
  We must have forgotten
The beauty of the stars,
The purity of Lady Moon,
The serenity of a black sky.

I love the beauty of the sky and these images in particular.
Your poem has a clean line and a clear message.
It seems to ask, how did we become displeased enough
to hurt each other?
Good question, when everything around us is saying
"Yes, I love you."
I don't think I want to change a thing about this one.
peace and love,
nansofast
| Posted on 2005-08-23 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
  Very nicely written poem. You have done a great job bringing the reader's senses into the 'miracles' of nature, and then contrasted it with the destructive nature that we, as the keepers of the earth, have begun to display all to often.

As I type this comment, the television is talking about the electronic wonders of the weapons America used in Afghanistan and Iraq, and how wonderful those killing machines are. What a sad, sad world we live in. I hope that one day we will all be able to wake up feeling safe, happy, and loved. Thankfully, you seem to have found that feeling with someone. (Or is this fiction?)

Nice work, keep writing!
-Chell-
| Posted on 2005-08-23 00:00:00 | by Chell | [ Reply to This ]
  Ugh... Yeah this one deffinitely made me think, and I agree with snarf that I got one feeling from the beginning of the poem which changed to another in the very end. But for me the first part of the poem was something I could relate to. It brought back memories of staring at the stars and being utterly amazed. It brought back the days that I would revel in the brightness and warmth of the sun, and "the dizziness of love." All things completely lost to me now, or forgotten. Then in the end you describe life as being a miracle. That kind of ruined the image I had in my mind when reading this poem. But then again it does not say that everyday is a miracle. It says that you want to (not do) remember every day as a miracle. Maybe you long for that feeling? I mean you do seem to have quite the memory problem. But most likely not, you probably already have that feeling as it sounds in your piece. I hope it does not sound as though I disliked your poem. It was a very good write and I hope to read more of your work.

~Brent
| Posted on 2005-08-23 00:00:00 | by Poor_Poet | [ Reply to This ]
  man o man, i usually hate love poems. but, this one is good. i guess i like it so much because it's profound. orchid is my provinces flower
| Posted on 2005-08-24 00:00:00 | by splifford | [ Reply to This ]

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