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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: SCRAPEDdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: layDsayD
    ASL Info:    29/f/florida
    Elite Ratio:    3.16 - 264/243/147
    Words: 91
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 604
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 530



    Description:
       this is a lil diffrent for me i havent even read it since i wrote it i kinda wanted to keep it raw i tend to over edit things hope you guys will help me out


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSCRAPEDdots
    -------------------------------------------



    Stomach swells from to much drink
    Head spins from all this thought
    I should sleep
    I wont though
    Never do
    Ill wait for morning
    Wait for the light to lull me
    A baby cries from far off
    Maybe it in my head
    Yes I am insane
    Tiny hands claw at my thighs
    God make it stop
    They promised
    Promised with time it would fade
    Yet here I am
    The world still spinning
    The room still spinning
    I need another shot




    Submitted on 2005-08-21 21:48:32     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Wow this is good for a first draft...it really gives me a feel for the way you felt? when writing it??? Do you suffer mental illness or was this entirely imagination??? I think it is a good piece either way and will read more of your work when I have time..the only typo i picked up on was its not it in this line...

    Maybe it in my head


    :)
    | Posted on 2005-08-21 00:00:00 | by stormyskies | [ Reply to This ]
      Nicely written I agree with stormyskies, it is a good piece which ever way you have written keep up the good work i will check out your other poem peace & stay safe...
    | Posted on 2005-08-22 00:00:00 | by Cordell | [ Reply to This ]
      It is different than I have read in here. But I am puzzled what really is happening. Is the author going insane mentally or from drugs or alchol abuse. Maybe just me.
    God Bless
    | Posted on 2005-08-22 00:00:00 | by Poetic Cure | [ Reply to This ]
      indeed.you have the capacity for abstract thought.this is always attractive.a lot motivates you.and i think you still dont realize it all yet.hell i dont realize all mine either.lol.
    me and you have the same problem=making sense of it all and it shows in our writing.

    this was short and kinda jumbled,but i find i like it none the less and understant it i do.

    im insane myself

    cool

    all one mans opinion

    toyysruss
    | Posted on 2005-08-22 00:00:00 | by toyysruss | [ Reply to This ]


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