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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Welcome To THe Futuredots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752/1517/481
    Words: 80
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 721
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 479



    Description:
       THis was from me and Cory...true story man...we were in the car and I fell asleep...before I had I told him that I just wanted to sleep and get to wake up with him there with me and he was like you will in the future...well when I fell asleep in his car he woke me up kissing me and he said,
    'welcome to the future' it was so awesome...tell me what you think of this, I like it...I think.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWelcome To THe Futuredots
    -------------------------------------------


    tears trailed down his face
    'welcome to the future'
    as he kissed her awake
    this was his gift
    a glimpse into what he knew they would be

    she opened her eyes
    with his mouth on hers
    she kissed him over and over again
    she felt like such a little girl

    and he watched her try to figure him out
    and she hoped she made him happy
    and they sat in the car
    and welcomed the future




    Submitted on 2005-08-22 13:59:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Awww...thats wonderful... True story? That Corey is a cool guy...I approve...(Although I am sure that it wouldn't matter if I did or not...lol) I don't see why Raivn doesn't like him...
    The poem was sweet...I liked how it was written in the third perspn. The line 'I felt like such a little girl' made me laugh.
    Very good job on this poem.

    farewell...
    jessie
    | Posted on 2005-10-26 00:00:00 | by jessie thomas | [ Reply to This ]
      this is an intresting concept which i would like to see in more detail.you left the reader wanting more.

    cool

    toyysruss
    | Posted on 2005-08-22 00:00:00 | by toyysruss | [ Reply to This ]
      Short and sweet, but you planted an image of the car and the two people in it. I agree that it deserves more detail - good write.
    | Posted on 2005-08-22 00:00:00 | by Frank Maguire | [ Reply to This ]
      hmmmmm i think that you could have written more on here. i like the concept just i think there could be more than what you wrote. i thuoght the title was interesting too "welcome to the future". it reminds me of "back to the future" though. but thats ok. but i do agree that you did leave this with us wanting to read more. so maybe if something else happens make a part 2??? that would be kool too. anyways i say make it longer with some detail and its perfect!

    brenna
    | Posted on 2005-08-22 00:00:00 | by Day DreaMeR | [ Reply to This ]
      the concept was great but i no you can go deeper with yor stories all in all if this is all we get it was still a good read
    well done
    sandman
    | Posted on 2005-08-22 00:00:00 | by sandman | [ Reply to This ]
      Yes very interesting and it was short and sweet. I would have loved to read more about the couple in the car. Great content but adding more to it would have made it perfect. Good write.
    | Posted on 2005-08-22 00:00:00 | by Poetic Cure | [ Reply to This ]


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