[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Can't Be Controlleddots

    Author: ladiesplanet1
    ASL Info:    23.cali baby
    Elite Ratio:    3.58 - 720/463/165
    Words: 159
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 497
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1081

       i wrote this for dante but i guess he obviously didn't appretiate it so now i guess i'll have to find someone new who does...

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCan't Be Controlleddots

    Butterflies around me,
    Flying everywhere.
    I can't breathe around you,
    Can't be still in my chair.
    Trying to impress you.
    Trying not to stair.
    Put on the perfect clothes.
    Try to tame my hair.

    Tell me why I love you.
    Somethings can't be controlled.
    Stupid little laughters.
    Secrets to be told.
    Sitting here beside you.
    It is my heart you hold.
    Now it is so warm,
    But once it was so cold.

    Always more to say,
    Something new to do.
    Singing silly love songs,
    And saying I love you.
    When i am around you,
    I don't feel sad and blue.
    Hoping here forever,
    That we'll always be true.

    I can't act right around you.
    I don't know what to say.
    Every time I see you,
    I have a perfect day.
    I'll tell you that I love you,
    My heart's here on a tray.
    I'll be here forever,
    Please say you'll let me stay

    Submitted on 2005-08-22 16:26:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      this is a nice write full of feeling i thought it was really good i hope you have more like this thanks again for your comments on burnt and bleeding lungs. one thing about this poem i must say is that it comes from the heart by the sound of it thats what id say yeah anyway
    | Posted on 2007-04-18 00:00:00 | by blood red angel | [ Reply to This ]
      You choose nice ways to word your lines. The simplicity of it all is genius.
    The first stanza really stuck outl. And it stayed strong through each one.
    | Posted on 2006-02-24 00:00:00 | by SinCeer05 | [ Reply to This ]
      indeed was descent.for some reason,i read this to myself musically.meaning i actually created notes during my reading.one of the first times ive done this.
    it was weird lol

    i liked this,could be done a little bit better i think
    then again all mine could be better lol

    | Posted on 2005-08-22 00:00:00 | by toyysruss | [ Reply to This ]
      that's a good poem. Very lighthearted and playful. I could feel the love behind it. If someone wrote a poem like that for me, I know i'd me staying longer. Great Write.
    | Posted on 2005-08-22 00:00:00 | by jlpurvis2001 | [ Reply to This ]
      It bounced along I think just a little too quickly. I found myself reading it quicker and quicker as the rhythm took over. A good write though and well thought out with love very clearly in mind.
    | Posted on 2005-08-22 00:00:00 | by Frank Maguire | [ Reply to This ]
      It was really good. Some parts of it were bouncy, as stated before. It panned out really well though. I love the idea behind it, but I am a hopeless romantic and love anything that has to do with love. :)

    | Posted on 2005-08-22 00:00:00 | by Dark Angel | [ Reply to This ]
      you go girl! nice poem, so nice! very light and i like it that way. good change from all the deep discouraging poems that take up this site!
    | Posted on 2005-08-22 00:00:00 | by Erie | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    You do, I Do written by poetotoe
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Bond written by saartha
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    Your Lover written by Cordell
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Brigit written by endlessgame23
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    Because of You written by poetotoe
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    AI written by poetotoe
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Summer written by layDsayD
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    the living moment written by ShyOne
    Happy Saint Patrick's Day written by poetotoe
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]