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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: brothers of the wooddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: brokenbatman
    Elite Ratio:    2.99 - 475/233/44
    Words: 199
    Class/Type: Story/Misc
    Total Views: 1082
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1128



    Description:
       working on story structure, all suggestions are welcome


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsbrothers of the wooddots
    -------------------------------------------


    This would make a very interesting photograph, for my family album. Two kids and two adults standing beside an ambulance with a third child being forceably loaded wearing a strsight jacket.
    Would make a great christmas card, the family would be proud. All the blood stained clothing matches well with the lights flashing from the state trooper patrol cars. The two burley men wearing white coats fighting a sixteen year old boy trying to "help him".
    The exhausted faces of the remaining family members would be enough to say "Hey we just can't have christmas at our house this year, that makes it your turn."
    Talk of the town that's what we will be now, thanks to the loony ass kid kicking the doors closed on the ambulance. Gotta give him credit he does have a flare for the dramtic. I mean baby kittens, beagles, and trying to turn into a werewolf. Man what the hell happened to him t make him slide off the deep end like that. Oh that's right you don't know what he did.
    Let me explain my dear old brain doctor, let me tell you exactly what he did to us.




    Submitted on 2004-04-15 02:56:31     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I wanna know what he did! thats a great intro for a story. clinches the people to a question(you know how we all hate unanswered Questions) and gives a discriptive, but not to revilling look at the brother. It has a horror/mystery charm and sounds like one of the books i pick up and read
    | Posted on 2004-04-15 00:00:00 | by Gop | [ Reply to This ]
      "Gotta give him credit he does have a flare for the dramtic" love the internal rhyme in this line. Makes the prose poetic. I like the storyline, but not the way it's written. I feel way too distanced from the characters in the story, mainly due to the overbearing presence of the narrator. I assume you'll probably reveal the narrator to be one of the kids, but I think you're in the middle. The voice is too present to be ignored, but not infused with enough personality to be striking. You've definitely got a good idea happening, though.
    | Posted on 2004-04-15 00:00:00 | by boompatah | [ Reply to This ]


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