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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: brothers of armsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: brokenbatman
    Elite Ratio:    2.99 - 475/233/44
    Words: 293
    Class/Type: Story/Misc
    Total Views: 994
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1647



    Description:
       story development, please help


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsbrothers of armsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    The room is dark, lit by a large fireplace in the corner of the room, and supprisingly warm thinks Keith as he stretches a little as he wakes. A slow look around reveils the abundance of small statues of a greek nature placed randomly around the room. Some holding arms in the air above their heads with palms facing up to form small tabels. Another larger table is laden with american indian artifacts. Covered with a large assortment of tomahaks, flint knives, clay bowls, and ceremonial jewelery. Different decorative swords dissplayed as wall hangings around the room. The room is made of what looks like large stone blocks. Has a deffinate aged look and a damp smell fills the room.
    Then he realizes he is strapped with leather raps to a large X shaped steel contraption that is anchored in the large stones floor with cement. Oh shit he notices what else is in the room, ancient torture equipment from the dark ages. A rack used to stretch people to his or her limits. A dunking booth used to wash the sins away from the bad people of the world. A chest in the shape of an upright standing casket filled with steel spikes to relieve the person inside of his or her sins.
    Then from behind him he hears the screach of a heavy wooden chair being slid across the stone floor. The sound seems to go on several moments piercing the exposed eardrums of this restained man.
    At this time a tall, thin, bearded, tattoed, shirtlesse shirt wearing, man with an apron hanging over his well muscled frame drags a chair around in front of him and sits down ono the chair backwards while chewing on a toothpick. "Hello mate."




    Submitted on 2004-04-15 03:19:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      There are a fair amount of spelling mistakes, but a nice atmosphere is created.
    It's a bit confusing though, I don't really get any theme or idea, any particular incident, and I don't know who this 'Keith' is.
    I suppose though, as a descriptive piece (which I am assuming) it isn't really neccessary to have a well-built character, but since you introduced 'Keith' developing it shouldn't be too far from your creative mind.
    | Posted on 2004-04-15 00:00:00 | by runedot | [ Reply to This ]


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