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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: CASTING A DREAMdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: layDsayD
    ASL Info:    29/f/florida
    Elite Ratio:    3.16 - 264/243/147
    Words: 73
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 616
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 389



    Description:
       i find my self often forcing a dream to avoid a more unpleasant vision thats why i wrote this


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCASTING A DREAMdots
    -------------------------------------------



    Tonight as I lie waiting for sleep to gently take me I am plagued with thoughts of you .
    My heavy head sorts through scattered memories.
    I try to lead myself in to a beautiful dream .
    I am always brought towards the rampant visions of you .
    I have to wake myself up nightly .
    It seems unfair to live the same pain every time my eyes are closed.




    Submitted on 2005-08-22 23:17:18     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      the words with expression and emphasis is really good it just lacks some poetic structure and it sounds more like a prose than that of a poem. Yet i liked it.
    | Posted on 2005-08-23 00:00:00 | by unnatainable | [ Reply to This ]
      This is very nicely said. I enjoyed reading this very much. Some good word choices here. Maybe not the best form but a good read just the same. Good write, keep it up. Lots of luck,
    bgj
    | Posted on 2005-08-23 00:00:00 | by bgj | [ Reply to This ]
      A very well worded piece. I agree that this would be better suited as prose. The best thing about prose is you don't have to follow the rules of general writing. I like to break the sentances where I feel natural breaks would occur. Something like this:

    Tonight as I lie,
    waiting for sleep to gently take me,
    I am plagued with thoughts of you .

    My heavy head
    sorts through scattered memories.
    I try to lead myself in to a beautiful dream,
    But I am always brought towards
    rampant visions of you .

    I have to wake myself up nightly.
    It seems unfair
    to live the same pain
    every time my eyes are closed.

    Just a suggestion. It gives the painful, nightly experience you have written here a little more emotion. And makes it easier for the reader to pause, reflect and then continue through the pain you are feeling.

    A nice write, keep up the great work!
    Take Care!
    -Chell-
    | Posted on 2005-08-23 00:00:00 | by Chell | [ Reply to This ]


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