Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: CASTING A DREAMdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: layDsayD
    ASL Info:    29/f/florida
    Elite Ratio:    3.16 - 264/243/147
    Words: 73
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 606
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 389



    Description:
       i find my self often forcing a dream to avoid a more unpleasant vision thats why i wrote this


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCASTING A DREAMdots
    -------------------------------------------



    Tonight as I lie waiting for sleep to gently take me I am plagued with thoughts of you .
    My heavy head sorts through scattered memories.
    I try to lead myself in to a beautiful dream .
    I am always brought towards the rampant visions of you .
    I have to wake myself up nightly .
    It seems unfair to live the same pain every time my eyes are closed.




    Submitted on 2005-08-22 23:17:18     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      the words with expression and emphasis is really good it just lacks some poetic structure and it sounds more like a prose than that of a poem. Yet i liked it.
    | Posted on 2005-08-23 00:00:00 | by unnatainable | [ Reply to This ]
      This is very nicely said. I enjoyed reading this very much. Some good word choices here. Maybe not the best form but a good read just the same. Good write, keep it up. Lots of luck,
    bgj
    | Posted on 2005-08-23 00:00:00 | by bgj | [ Reply to This ]
      A very well worded piece. I agree that this would be better suited as prose. The best thing about prose is you don't have to follow the rules of general writing. I like to break the sentances where I feel natural breaks would occur. Something like this:

    Tonight as I lie,
    waiting for sleep to gently take me,
    I am plagued with thoughts of you .

    My heavy head
    sorts through scattered memories.
    I try to lead myself in to a beautiful dream,
    But I am always brought towards
    rampant visions of you .

    I have to wake myself up nightly.
    It seems unfair
    to live the same pain
    every time my eyes are closed.

    Just a suggestion. It gives the painful, nightly experience you have written here a little more emotion. And makes it easier for the reader to pause, reflect and then continue through the pain you are feeling.

    A nice write, keep up the great work!
    Take Care!
    -Chell-
    | Posted on 2005-08-23 00:00:00 | by Chell | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    71642

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Faith In Line written by MyPeriodical
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    Chasing The Lie written by jackz
    Born of the Mouth written by MyPeriodical
    Genesis written by saartha
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    untitled written by Chelebel
    To the Epilogue written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Watch them Die written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Bam written by Daniel Barlow
    Incubus written by monad
    Convergence written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    On Top of a Water Wheel written by Wolfwatching
    On Loop written by Daniel Barlow
    This written by Chelebel
    Sunt Mala Quae Libas written by MyPeriodical
    Tides of Man written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Can't let my demons go written by faideddarkness
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Commencement written by Ramneet
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    A Fire! A Knife! A Black Crow Calls! written by HisNameIsNoMore
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Limbo written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Blood to Plowshares written by HisNameIsNoMore

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry