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Lost at Sea


Author: hybridmagnolia
ASL Info:    19/male
Elite Ratio:    3.44 - 198 /273 /75
Words: 130
Class/Type: Poetry /Longing
Total Views: 982
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 841



Description:


no idea why i wrote. it just came to me, really.


Lost at Sea



Echoing silence, soft, unbroken
Pain continues, still unspoken
In hand, there lies a cherished token
That carries with it the memory
Of a love that was lost to the sea

She once whispered softly to me
A sweetest of gentle melodies
That even now, makes me believe
That part of her still carries on
Open my eyes to see she’s gone

I thought love like this had no wrong
The open sea’s where we’d belong
From darkness past to eternal dawn
Alas, stronger forces would not that be
As the sea took the love away from me

Echoing silence, soft, unbroken
Pain continues, still unspoken
In hand, there lies a cherished token
That carries with it the memory
Of a love that was lost to the sea




Submitted on 2005-08-23 02:52:47     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  This poem was nice and very heartfelt you did an excellent job conveying how you or who ever the poem is about felt sometimes it's hard to reach that deep down but you did it so good job
| Posted on 2005-12-08 00:00:00 | by always thinking | [ Reply to This ]
  This was very sad but man did you ever do a great job writing it. It keeps my interest through the whole poem and that alone says a lot because I really have a hard time staying interested with some poems.
I'd say this is an excellent write and I wouldn't suggest a single word be changed.
!doc`
| Posted on 2005-08-29 00:00:00 | by dr_tigger | [ Reply to This ]
  so very sad.. i like the way you repeated the first stanza at the end.. we never know why love leaves us when it does. i wrote something about this very subject called "journey anew (revised)." i took it a bit further and did some healing on the shore only to head off into the sea again for another adventure!

i hope your healing comes soon and that you can sail once again...

peace&blessings,
~Cat
| Posted on 2005-08-29 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
  very touching, it had a lot of emotion in that and so much love, u have a really passionate way with words and it comes out so well in your poem
| Posted on 2005-08-23 00:00:00 | by razorblade kiss | [ Reply to This ]
  hm, i like it! i love the rhyme scheme, and the story it tells is excellent :) a few housecleaning matters...line 7, change "A" to "The". and Jared is right...kinda...putting punctuation at the end of every line is irresponsible and unnecessary. however, if you're going to have punctuation in your poem, then it needs to be there in it's proper place. for example:


Echoing silence, soft, unbroken;
Pain continues, still unspoken.
In hand, there lies a cherished token
That carries with it the memory
Of a love that was lost to the sea.

She once whispered softly to me
The sweetest of gentle melodies
That even now makes me believe
That part of her still carries on;
Open my eyes to see she’s gone.

I thought love like this had no wrong.
The open sea’s where we’d belong
From darkness past to eternal dawn.
Alas, stronger forces would not that be
As the sea took the love away from me.

Echoing silence, soft, unbroken;
Pain continues, still unspoken.
In hand, there lies a cherished token
That carries with it the memory
Of a love that was lost to the sea.

i've only done some of the punctuation in the third verse because, well, it's kinda confusing. i think the 5th line must be a missing something...

anyway, hope that helps, and again, great job.
| Posted on 2005-08-23 00:00:00 | by treybur | [ Reply to This ]
  Powerful piece...some need to revise...but over all a pretty good poem. You showed many emotions when writing this and if you really sat down and it just came to you...then you definately have some talent...please keep writing. I'll enjoy your future work.
| Posted on 2005-08-23 00:00:00 | by Sweets | [ Reply to This ]
  damn, that was really almost tear jerking. It was very passionate, and I dont know if I'm just tired or if you have a nack for this kinda stuff, but I didnt find anything wrong with this.
I always thought it was prbubly one of the worst ways to lose some one, you really can't be sure where they are right now. its probubly just me, but oh well.
this was great.
keep it up
Kacey
| Posted on 2005-08-25 00:00:00 | by Lachesis | [ Reply to This ]


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