This site will self destruct in 2 months, March 17.
It will come back, and be familiar and at the same time completely different.
All content will be deleted. Backup anything important.
--- Staff
Roleplay Cloud -

Sign up to EliteSkills

Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

Stalking Cat

Author: runedot
Elite Ratio:    5.07 - 46 /45 /14
Words: 74
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 1494
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 543


I wrote a year ago, but it's pretty nice don't you think?

I wrote it while looking at my cat 'Navi' playing around.

Stalking Cat

The cat stalks silently,
Moving for a kill,
Thinking very violently,
For it has a tummy to fill.

The cat crouches low,
It's tail swishing wildly,
The mouse waits below,
Moving quite blindly.

The cat jumps to pounce,
It's instincts wail for blood,
The mouse gives a bounce,
It's flowing blood will flood.

The cat lies quietly,
Having done the kill,
No thinking violently,
For it has no tummy to fill.

Submitted on 2004-04-15 04:21:08     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  You seem to have based this one too much on rhyme, by saying this I mean that alkthough the lines make sense, they might be better if it wasn't so structured. And the line, 'It's flowing blood will flood.' You have too much rhyme for one line, it makes it sound wrong somehow.
Anyway, I like the subject that you have written about, but you could definitley improve on this one.
| Posted on 2004-06-07 00:00:00 | by selfbetrayal | [ Reply to This ]
  Heheheh it's nice...very vigorous and violent though. YOu might wanna consider using free verse. That way it's easier to write.
| Posted on 2004-04-15 00:00:00 | by Little Gal | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?