Stalking Cat

Author: runedot Elite Ratio:    5.07 - 46 /45 /14 Words: 74

Class/Type: Poetry /Misc Total Views: 1494 Average Vote:    No vote yet. Bytes: 543

Description:

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Stalking Cat

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The cat stalks silently, Moving for a kill, Thinking very violently, For it has a tummy to fill. The cat crouches low, It's tail swishing wildly, The mouse waits below, Moving quite blindly. The cat jumps to pounce, It's instincts wail for blood, The mouse gives a bounce, It's flowing blood will flood. The cat lies quietly, Having done the kill, No thinking violently, For it has no tummy to fill.

Submitted on 2004-04-15 04:21:08     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments

You seem to have based this one too much on rhyme, by saying this I mean that alkthough the lines make sense, they might be better if it wasn't so structured. And the line, 'It's flowing blood will flood.' You have too much rhyme for one line, it makes it sound wrong somehow. Anyway, I like the subject that you have written about, but you could definitley improve on this one.

| Posted on 2004-06-07 00:00:00 | by selfbetrayal | [ Reply to This ]

Heheheh it's nice...very vigorous and violent though. YOu might wanna consider using free verse. That way it's easier to write.

| Posted on 2004-04-15 00:00:00 | by Little Gal | [ Reply to This ]

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