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    dots Submission Name: Welcome To The Future'revised'dots

    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752/1517/481
    Words: 174
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 883
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1054

       K...so I added some stuff to this, I think I am gonna leave the other on the site so that it can be a basis of comparison and you can tell me which is better...this was more elaborate I think but the first was written in the moment so...I don't know,sandman especialy you tell me what you think.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWelcome To The Future'revised'dots

    tears trailed down his face
    quietly so she wouldn't wake
    he watched her chest rise and fall
    lost in dreams and heavy with sleep
    he kissed her awake and whispered,
    "welcome to the future"

    A glimpse on so many nights to come
    this was his gift
    she opened her eyes
    and saw him there
    like she so longed to do every night
    and he knew
    that she wanted this
    a glimpse on so many nights to come
    this was his gift

    she opened her eyes
    and at once she knew he was there
    she could feel his breath on her lips
    she could feel the lingering warmth of the kiss
    this was just one night but she felt that it was a start to so many that lay ahead

    and he watched her try to figure him out
    eyes staining to understand why he loved her
    and she just prayed she made him happy
    and they sat in the car
    watching their lives unfold
    and they welcomed the future

    Submitted on 2005-08-23 07:54:51     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      wow.. this one is very good, you got the same concept of the first one into this one and added soo much more emotion, very well written
    im going to go read more of yours now
    | Posted on 2005-09-09 00:00:00 | by sacred_tears | [ Reply to This ]
      i really like this one. very well spoken. its sweet and simple. very good flow. i just really liked it. hope to hear more from you like this one. oh and teh first was good too but this is just a tiny bit better
    | Posted on 2005-09-07 00:00:00 | by star_on_fire22 | [ Reply to This ]

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