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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Artistdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752/1517/481
    Words: 103
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 845
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 653



    Description:
       Tell me why you think after all the hard work she put into this...after the emotion that she used to make this art, why she in the end erased it...I mean I know what I think but this is sort of a 'what YOU get out of it' kind of poem. So yeah tell me what you think. Did I do okay?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Artistdots
    -------------------------------------------


    he watches her hands fly across the page
    and eyes that seemed to see another world
    not watching the skin but maybe the bones underneath
    or maybe something deeper like the heart

    and from her pencil comes emotions
    a charcoal broken heart
    anger and sorrow with black ink
    emotions drawn so you could see
    he watched her hands fly down the page

    and suddenly she stopped
    she wept awhile
    cried until her tears blended with the paint
    mixed in as the color of rain
    and when she finished
    she took the pencil, turned it over
    and erased it all




    Submitted on 2005-08-23 13:52:42     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      two comments on 1 poem i say it is still awesome anyways thanx for the reply i posted Into my soul on friday
    i am getting discouraged as i have 8 books ready to go to publish the publishers want want want but as my divorce and life is very complicated right now i have to wait i dont no how long either so it gets a little frustrating
    i thimk you will enjoy i will be posting the book approx 700 to 1000 words at a time so enjoy copy and paste and you might have the only copy it will take maybe a month or so but i wont delete until i no youve read the posts
    thanx again for your king words and great poems to read
    Sandman
    | Posted on 2005-08-29 00:00:00 | by sandman | [ Reply to This ]
      hi, not bad, just my take, tom

    "he watches her hands fly across the pages
    her eyes seem to see another, that world
    he watches her skin or maybe her bones
    underneath him deeper like her heart."
    | Posted on 2005-08-23 00:00:00 | by poetotoe | [ Reply to This ]
      this was the best poem i've read in months! and that is not just flattery. the end...was a shock to my system, wasn't expecting that at all...and i must say i think you did great.

    and when she finished
    she took the pencil, turned it over
    and erased it all


    you are awesome

    Misty
    | Posted on 2005-08-23 00:00:00 | by misty_of_moon | [ Reply to This ]
      this was extemely beautiful do you feel this way after you write i no i do
    i am going to take some time off witing i want to thank you for all you great words take care and keep writing i still say you are very talented
    thanx sandman
    | Posted on 2005-08-23 00:00:00 | by sandman | [ Reply to This ]
      You are very talented. I loved it. It reminds me of life. When someone begins down a path doing just fine and then somthing happens to change it so you have to erase what was and start over again. Wow I definetely going into my favorites. Thank you
    God Bless
    | Posted on 2005-08-23 00:00:00 | by Poetic Cure | [ Reply to This ]
      i like this.. its sad its like she thinks its not good enuff so she starts over.. kinda of like hoo some ppl dont think there good enuff n they find ways to redo themselfs..
    | Posted on 2005-08-23 00:00:00 | by scardnscared | [ Reply to This ]
      Maybe she was trying to erase the heartache she was feeling. She drew her emotions, put them onto paper and then erased them, wanted them to disappear...I don't know..lol, but this was a very creative piece. I liked how much emotion I felt as read this. Great job!
    Alissa
    | Posted on 2005-08-23 00:00:00 | by Geraldine | [ Reply to This ]
      Hmmm...I liked this poem...but why did she erase it? In my opinion she was drawing a boy...a boy that hurt her...she drew her pain then didn't want to remember it so she erased it all...mabey hoping to erase the pain with it.
    So was I close at all?
    Oh...and while we are on the subject...Eric and Tony are here...like RIGHT here...good god that guys hair has gotten long...And Tony has gotten skinny...they came by to pay a wrecker bill or something...(Eric is pretty...lol)

    But very very good poem...

    ...jessie...
    | Posted on 2005-08-23 00:00:00 | by jessie thomas | [ Reply to This ]
      i erase most of what i write.and the stuff i dont,i probably should.lol.
    this evoked no emotion in me,but correlations and imagery were nice.ive read alot better from you.this was cool though

    toyysruss
    | Posted on 2005-08-23 00:00:00 | by toyysruss | [ Reply to This ]
      I think this is great, I mean
    and from her pencil comes emotions
    a charcoal broken heart
    anger and sorrow with black ink
    emotions drawn so you could see

    was my favorite phase you wrote. Sometimes it easier to write or draw emotions, and some times it makes some emotions better to erase and forget them.
    | Posted on 2005-08-23 00:00:00 | by withblindedeyez | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
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