[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Sweet Seasondots

    Author: lmz
    ASL Info:    40/female/USA
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 3433/1529/84
    Words: 91
    Class/Type: Poetry/Happy
    Total Views: 2024
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 701


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSweet Seasondots

    Shorter days bring
    cool crisp nights,
    dry fresh air
    sweet dream delight.

    Windows kept open
    welcomes gentle breeze,
    goodbye humid warmth
    sleeping with ease.

    Tasty sweet apples
    picked fresh each day,
    taste buds tantalized
    in a variety of ways.

    A scenery of green
    becomes colorful and bright,
    red orange and gold
    such a beautiful sight.

    Choosing a pumpkin
    right off the farm,
    carving a face
    adds such charm.

    Autumn is special
    for all kinds of reasons,
    but the best of all...
    It's football season!

    Submitted on 2005-08-24 06:35:32     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Well, I must say that I thought this to be a wonderful nature poem. It incoroprated our real lives into the beauty of the season-hence football-but did not detract from the poem' beauty. I find that reality and nature clash somewhat in most poems. Maybe that's why this one struck me as especially sweet-reading. I almost wish that you ahdn't rhymed, though. It is a pity, when people rhyme, but do not make it a real PART of the poem-it doesn't add or subtract from the mood, but it is somewhat annoying to read. I say, if you like the rhymes, put more punctuation and line spacing in. For example:

    Shorter days bring
    Cool crisp nights;
    Dry refreshing air,
    Sweet dream delight-
    Windows kept open,
    Welcomes gentle breeze;
    Goodbye humid warmth
    Sleeping with ease.

    Tasty sweet apples
    Fresh picked each day-
    Taste buds tantalized[!]
    In a variety of ways...

    A scenery of green
    Becomes colorful, and bright;
    Red, orange [and gold]
    -Such a beautiful sight.

    Choosing a pumpkin
    Right off the farm;
    Carving a face
    Adds such charm!

    Autumn is [special]
    For all kinds of reasons-
    But the best of all...

    ~It's football season!~

    Do you see how I added character to each and every line, and therefore made the rhyming a PART of the poem? This poem was wonderful to read- it simply needs a few touch-ups.

    | Posted on 2006-08-16 00:00:00 | by Maevity | [ Reply to This ]
      Hehehe... you ending really had me chuckling. Football, really nice descriptions. My favourite part was this

    Shorter days bring
    Cool crisp nights
    Dry refreshing air
    Sweet dream delight
    Windows kept open
    Welcomes gentle breeze
    Goodbye humid warmth
    Sleeping with ease
    Tasty sweet apples
    Fresh picked each day
    Taste buds tantalized
    In a variety of ways
    A scenery of green
    Becomes colorful and bright
    Red, orange and gold
    Such a beautiful sight
    Choosing a pumpkin
    Right off the farm
    Carving a face
    Adds such charm
    Autumn is special
    For all kinds of reasons
    But the best of all...
    It's football season!

    Hey thats right the whole write. This is definitely another for the fav's list Lorna. You did a very good job here. Keep up the great work my friend and have a blessed and most wonderful day and God bless.

    Thanks so much for sharing
    Your friend and fan Jason
    | Posted on 2006-05-03 00:00:00 | by Departed One | [ Reply to This ]
      You and your football !! LOL. (Although to be fair, I watched more football this year than I have in years)

    This sounds like a piece written about my area, Washington State. Fall is definitely the nicest season here. Summer is too hot for my tastes, and we get a lot of rain the rest of the year. Fall is typically dry and crisp. The mornings are crystal clear and days are comfortable. We make an annual trip to the pumpkin farm with the kids. On top of that your apple line fits perfectly as well, since we grow most of the country's apples.

    Nice piece,

    | Posted on 2006-02-24 00:00:00 | by Lost Sheep | [ Reply to This ]
      I admired and cherished every word. It was like deafly silence for a long period of time. Then a bird fills the air with notes that cause one to grasp at the air. I loved the way you described fall. I also look foward to it, there is an area that the maple leaves turn gold and are on a long stretch of road in a valley like. It catches wind as one drives through, the turbulance causes the leaves to circle around and around on this stretch of road. Causing gold leaves to flutter around the car, oh what a sight.
    You capture the essence of Fall very nicely here and ofcourse Monday ngiht beer. Seems to me this Fall certainlly had a catch. Well done and a good write I also look foward to the hundred yard fight.

    Sincerly Gannondalf aka Big Bear
    | Posted on 2006-07-13 00:00:00 | by Gannondalf | [ Reply to This ]
      I really enjoyed your poem. I love Autumn too, the colours, the fresh but not chilly air, fruit crumbles and best of all, kicking fallen leaves with wellies on! My favourite song of all time is Forever Autumn. You captured this glorious season so well in your poem, it's lovely. Mel.
    | Posted on 2006-02-01 00:00:00 | by litllost | [ Reply to This ]

    This made me smile right up to the last line... im a huge new england fan!

    I loved your use of language in this piece it almost took me back to my childhood... but im sure that was your intention here!

    I miss the east coast so much, we dont get much of any seasons here except dry desert heat! I miss the leaves cjanging and that crisp air that you describe so perfectly here!

    I used to love to sleep wit hthe window open up until about November just ot smell the sweetness of autumn, maybe some day I will move back!

    In the mean time keep writing beautiful pieces, and captivating my heart!

    | Posted on 2006-01-29 00:00:00 | by stormyskye | [ Reply to This ]
      OK I like this a lot, the poem is crisp and cool as the images you are trying to portray. I love poems that relate seasonal changes to human emotions.

    But one thing i don't understand...do you mean football as in american football...or as in soccer?
    | Posted on 2005-12-21 00:00:00 | by Senna27NZ | [ Reply to This ]
      Not much I can add to the comments already given... apart from...

    You're syle is quite unique you know
    And it personifies
    The beauty of the autumn leaf
    And incandescant skies
    You captured well in telling words
    The beauty of the fall
    And made it clear that nursey nurse
    Is addicted to football
    | Posted on 2005-11-28 00:00:00 | by Frank Maguire | [ Reply to This ]
      Laugh! This is simply an excellent piece. First off, fall is my favorite season because of the change in the air, and the Packers are doing horrible this season. Nothing makes me happier! Thank you for your comments and keep writing, for all of us. :)
    | Posted on 2005-11-19 00:00:00 | by Twila | [ Reply to This ]
      This read very well and could be a fall/football greeting card!
    I love the photgraph and I love fall for those very reasons!
    Too bad my team (the Raiders) seem to have forgotten it's football season!
    he he he
    Love,Peace,Joy! tif
    | Posted on 2005-11-14 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      I enjoyed "Sweet Season" very much. Fall weather is a much grateful welcome most everywhere. However, I live in California. We don't see too many overwhelming changes from one season to the next.
    Our fall weather is not much different than our winter weather, with this one exception, fall is the time of year, the three months we have to trim back our rose bushes and other such flowers or plants that are outside. We find that the plants, bushes, trees, and grass have pretty much become dormant. More trimming,
    less mowing. Then come the rains to quench their thirst. As I live close to the beach, I seldom see thunder and lightening storms. When we do get it, I find it a real treat.
    Yes, the days are definitely shorter, and the cool breezes are welcomed. As southern Calif. is considered desert area, we sometimes have very hot summers, but usually not too much humidity. Humidity is saved for the midwest and east.
    Ah, football season. I don't tend to care much for watching sports, I prefer playing myself. However, when it comes to football, after I learned the rules, I find it an outstanding passtime to watch. How they continue to play is beyond me when it is snowing. Slipping and sliding, hands numb, hard to control the ball, but the players do it.
    If it wasn't for the fact that I was born in Ohio, thereby, learning about the different season, I would have a hard time relating to this poem. But. since I have experienced the changes, I found it was well written and a joy to read.
    God bless,
    | Posted on 2005-11-07 00:00:00 | by dycrain | [ Reply to This ]
      Once agaian A beautiful write

    A true testament to the true beauty of fall

    I am sorry about your dog please just add your dogs name where i put Mikies and it is the same outcome

    All animals are a gift from God able to erase all the hostility and negativity we have inside
    Think for a second Imz how many times did just petting your dog erase the fear and negativity of a situation

    Its so true and hopefully my writing will help wake some people up to Gods sheer beauty

    Take Care

    And talk to you soon

    | Posted on 2005-10-26 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      You really ought to change "For all kinds of reasons" to something like "For more than one reason". Pseudo rhymes like that really do take away from a poem.

    "Taste buds tantalized" is a nice line, I don't think there's actually a proper word for tantalized in Dutch.

    "Such a beautiful sight" .. lines like these take me out of it though, it's so generic.

    I liked the first 5 lines best I think, and the pumpkin part, you've got a nice lil poem here =]

    The ending is cute, are you a football hooligan?
    | Posted on 2005-09-30 00:00:00 | by Lostinbeer | [ Reply to This ]
      hey there. Nice poem. I like how you described the changing of the seasons to the fall. Everything seemed to flow nicely and you used good wording. I'm not really into football for some reason though the coaches at my school tried to get me to play since I was the strongest in the school. I do like watching football once in a while during big games. Bye. -james
    | Posted on 2005-09-22 00:00:00 | by musclebound350 | [ Reply to This ]
      autum is football season. oh yeah! philadelphia eagles go go go! lol
    Loved the image here to describe fall.
    Fall is my favorite season of all time.
    | Posted on 2005-09-03 00:00:00 | by dudethis | [ Reply to This ]
      Mmm...a savory delight for the senses. This paints the picture of the ideal autumn day. It reminds me of afternoons spent on the porch swing, snuggled up in a cozy sweat-shirt with a mug of hot cocoa, gazing out at the beautiful array of changing leaves ruffling in the slight breeze. Ahhh, what a wonderful thought :) And of course, nothing beats football season! The glow of stadium lights in the crisp autumn night, the roar of the crowd, the thrill of victory...Thanks for the treat!
    | Posted on 2005-09-02 00:00:00 | by Jengrr | [ Reply to This ]
      My favorite season as well. And the addition about football season made it classic. It made me feel more cheerful just reading it. Like drinking hot apple cider...

    | Posted on 2005-09-02 00:00:00 | by thezeroman88 | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow what a wonderful poem Lorna. It's just excellent in every way. I love the rhymes and the colorful words you use that really paint so many beautiful pictures. I'm going to add this to my favorites. Thanks!
    | Posted on 2005-08-30 00:00:00 | by rankamateur | [ Reply to This ]
      Well I don't know about you but I am ready for the fall temperatures and leav'n the windows open. I am afrain we are not gonna have to many brilliant collours this fall here in the Ozarks because it has been such a dry summer. But none the less I am ready for fall for those reasons. As for football, I nver watched a football game in my life but I understand there are a lot of folks that love the sport.
    Very well written poem and a enjoyable read.
    | Posted on 2005-08-30 00:00:00 | by dr_tigger | [ Reply to This ]
      i LOVE this, i LOVE the fall so I so love this. it was wonderul and it got me all excited for the leaves and the pumpkins and the humidity to be all gone. yay i can spell that crisp fall air right now. thanks for such wonderful imagery. you really made me smile with this one. and i love how you ended it with football. lol. what a great thing huh.i think i might just add it to my favs.
    great job!!
    | Posted on 2005-08-27 00:00:00 | by playcrackthesky | [ Reply to This ]
      my dad would love this poem simply because you added the football touch...what's your favorite team, his is 49ers. your description of autumn is beautiful. i love fall partly because im a autumn baby born in octobor. the other part because its coolest and most refreshing season of all. youve captured the beauty of fall quite amazingly. good write.

    later days
    | Posted on 2005-08-26 00:00:00 | by fiery_eyes | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey Lorna,

    Isn't it wonderful to live where there is seasonal changes!

    Just when you've had enough of summer along comes fall. Brisk breezes, light jackets, fall foliage which you capture so beautifully in this poem!

    I must learn to write these short rhyming lines that you do so well.

    And yes football season can hardly wait!

    another great one!

    However, I'm on vacation and can wait just a little longer before the fall (just posted about the beach)


    P.S. is that a photo you took?? Really beautiful and so introduces your poem!!!
    | Posted on 2005-08-26 00:00:00 | by SHRINKSDR | [ Reply to This ]
      You have really rushed the season here, I can smell the old dead leaves lying on a carpet of grass waiting for the pumpkin bags.
    But, my dear we all can wait, just one more dip in the pool please, one more warm sunset or maybe some hotdogs over a flaming grill.
    Now if I was twenty years to the younger side I'd show you enough starlite nights to wish Fall to be only on my knee to ask your hand- then we might express ourselves together!
    BUT; I'll settle for a nice poem to lighten my life, and you do them very well.
    Please don't start blushing on me, I'm only being boring romantic!
    | Posted on 2005-08-26 00:00:00 | by Clayton | [ Reply to This ]
      Gosh, talk about imagery.. you got it here.
    I too, look forward to the fall. Especially after reading this.
    I was reading and thinking...hmm.. I thought this was going to be about football...and what do you know...it was

    This sweet write soothes my senses. The crisp fall weather...apples and pumpkins.. cool breezes...vivid fall colors...
    What's not to like about this?
    Great work...and enjoyable read.

    | Posted on 2005-08-26 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ]
      I really liked this. So much imagery. I would rather have the nice hot weather...but fall is nice. It is just when winter comes around. But i guess every season has good to it. My bday in fall haha. I didn't expect the ending. that is great though. I love the unexpected. This was a great write well written and all. Cheers to football season :)


    Ps...that is a gourgeous picture above
    | Posted on 2005-08-25 00:00:00 | by MiKkI25 | [ Reply to This ]
      lol...I too LOVE football season and that was just too funny there at the end!
    Fall is my favorite season, sitting in the back yard around a fire in the crisp cool evening hours and all the beautiful colors! This was another really nice one Lorna. I appreciated the little chuckle that I got there at the end too. It's getting to be that time of year when adrenaline is at it's max and my voice gets hoarse from b*tching at the refs!
    Thanks a bunch!
    | Posted on 2005-08-25 00:00:00 | by dreamweaver | [ Reply to This ]
      i like red, orange and gold very nice colors. fall is a beautiful season, the cooler nights are much appreciated when they come around.i do keep the window open too, it's best when a storm is coming but there arent too many here in LA :( it was better out in the midwest. hope you have a nice football season and your team kicks butt! nice write Lorna,
    | Posted on 2005-08-24 00:00:00 | by inspirit999 | [ Reply to This ]
      I really liked the color developpment, it's really great, and well told. I like the evocation of simple things, like choosing a pumpkin, that make one's life happy. It is really sane and happy, it brightens my day!
    Thankx for sharing
    Laurie :-)
    | Posted on 2005-08-24 00:00:00 | by Muse in White | [ Reply to This ]
      I ALWAYS have time for you, Lorna. Nice little piece here. Alejandro and Jose both did the pumpkin-picking field trip for school (we go back all the time - Alejandro loves the farm...).

    And the last line was right on!


    | Posted on 2005-08-24 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
      This piece makes me look forward to fall, when usually I dread it because winter follows. This is a happy piece. Colorful and tasty. I can almost smell the apple pies baking in the oven when I read this.

    Great work with this one, I am definately looking forward to Halloween now.
    A new fav.

    Brightest Blessings,
    p.s. I don't care for football much though.
    | Posted on 2005-08-24 00:00:00 | by lenotoire | [ Reply to This ]
      That was funny. I liked the way you put in football. I mean what girl doens't like football? I must say that I am an autumn baby and thin one is a tribute to the pumpkin people! (I was born in October) I liked the way the rhyme made sense. IT didn't seem forced or anything like that. I can't rhyme if my life depended on it so I envy you. Good job Lorna.

    | Posted on 2005-08-24 00:00:00 | by Chi-Town Rose | [ Reply to This ]
      You had me all the way up to football (not a sports fan)... but yeah, now I'm craving apple pie and unexpected cold snaps that wake you up at 2a.m. to dig out an extra blanket! Unfortunately, it's so hot here, it will be months before it cools off at all. Wonderful poem, it reminds me of those old IDEAL magazines, with the poem and picture per page... home-style goodness, ageless anticipation of the seasons... well done!
    | Posted on 2005-08-24 00:00:00 | by grey_girl | [ Reply to This ]
      Great piece Lorna , love the autumn colours they are so full of life even when most plants are coming to an end , i also love the footy although ours differs to yours and so far we have lost our first 3 games *sobs* and are currently bottom place *sobs louder* lol it will all change on saturday i have faith ( i need it lol).
    loving the poem
    take care
    Elaine x
    | Posted on 2005-08-24 00:00:00 | by lainie75 | [ Reply to This ]
      I enjoyed this poem from the first verse...I love the seasons, and we are lucky to live in a place that we can enjoy them! The football thing got me laughing though, having had five sons in my house, it was always always on! (as I, the only female in the house) was always always cooking for them! luv cher
    | Posted on 2005-08-24 00:00:00 | by Inducted_Kitty | [ Reply to This ]
      i just love the fall, it is my favorite season.. the colours so bright and gorgeous and the air crisp. you've given us wonderful images of what the autumn means for you (altho i must admit i'm not a football fan...), and i enjoyed the read immensely. keep on writing!
    | Posted on 2005-08-24 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      Hmmm Lorna, I expected an excellent write, guess you have lived up to ...your standards hahahahha. By the way this is a sagacious write...I loved the flow and how this piece breathed the beautiful scenery to us..Your application of imagery is so intricate..very moving piece I tell you.As for your astute...piece...I loved how you sadduced us with the vibrant colors...there's so much life within this write...You made me love autumn/fall even more...although its not my fav season, but Im a fruit fanatic...Ooooh you literally took my breath away with all the delicious scenes...I loved the flow of this piece...Its got a beautiful rythm to it...There's harmony dear...I appreciated that immensely with this fine write...Moreover, what an ending, that was so meticulous...Football season indeed, I am a die heart fan...I love football...Yeah...Thank you for this incredible write...It uplifted my spirit so much!Thank you...I am HAPPY...Be happy!Nobantu
    | Posted on 2005-08-25 00:00:00 | by Nobantu | [ Reply to This ]
      Lorna, this was so great. I love the flow of this poem. And the imagery was fantastic! I'm looking for to fall now myself. lol. You made each line vivid to the mind's eye to relate to and enjoy. I'm not a football fan, but You and my older sister are both happy right now! lol. Great write!
    | Posted on 2005-08-25 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]