Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: In The Background of My Heartdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: dreamweaver
    ASL Info:    28/f/WI
    Elite Ratio:    7.22 - 1022/443/42
    Words: 118
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1246
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 781



    Description:
        sierramuse8 invited me to give a shot at a poem called "In the Background of My Heart".

    This is all about trying to let go of that first love and take hold of the forever love that you end up finding.

    You'll never forget that first love

    You'll also have to check out sierramuse8 and hyproglo and the poems they wrote with the same title...they are amazing!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIn The Background of My Heartdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Not a day has gone by
    I haven't seen your face-
    heard your voice chasing the thoughts in my head.

    The pain is old-
    strong and haunting.
    Shattering my heart-
    leaving it void of light and so cold.

    Watching you fade away
    with the setting sun-
    I managed to heal
    with the warmth of a new dawn.

    Trying so hard to shake your memory,
    the flood of tears never washed you away.

    My heart has now become the home of someone new-
    something real.

    Happy with who I've become-
    cherishing everything I feel.

    The love that was,
    is now gone.
    Yet forever you will remain-
    in the background of my heart.




    Submitted on 2005-08-24 09:54:25     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I must say I have to agree with you. First love always seems to stay with you throughout the years even though sometimes you may be far apart. I believe that in a sense that first love was like great love and will always be with you. But what is great love compared to forever love?

    This was a very wonderful write Candi. Keep up the good work and blessed and most wonderful day and God bless. Thanks so much for sharing.

    Your fan and friend
    ( your friend first)
    | Posted on 2006-05-07 00:00:00 | by Departed One | [ Reply to This ]
      It was such a delight to meditate on this write..Its written with so much sincerity and the words really cement the entire piece...Aaaaah who can ever forget that first time..Yeah I recalled the first day the jone for poetry grew inside of me..The first peom I ever became infuated with was the Daffodil...eversince then...everything just fell into place...To this day, it still feels like the first time when I meditate on a wonderful piece...This piece made me feel exactly like that..Very moving poem...Ahhhhhhh thank u for sharing...Im so uplifted..BE HAPPY...Nobantu
    | Posted on 2006-02-21 00:00:00 | by Nobantu | [ Reply to This ]
      Maybe this is what I needed to read? Maybe I was meant to read these words today? All I know is, this brought the tears, cleansing tears maybe? But tears all the same. This is a touching piece, especially for someone that has gone through such an experience. You described the feeling of leaving someone behind, but never leaving them for good, always keeping them with you, even if you know you shouldn't, you hit this head on. Thank you for sharing this, it helped more than you know.
    | Posted on 2006-01-31 00:00:00 | by SouthrnQT | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh my gosh, have you stolen the words from my head? Just kidding, but really, every word...it was like an experience that I had..you spelled it out so nicely. I just can't even really find the words to say right now...this poem almost made me cry, but don't worry, that's not bad...it really touched me.

    Kris
    | Posted on 2006-01-25 00:00:00 | by Raindrops | [ Reply to This ]
      Hi. I like this poem because i feel it.. the pain that never goes away even when your over it. our past relationships are the ones that makes us succeed in our future ones. I thought of my old love just now and I wonder what the heck did I ever see in him. ...

    Peace Mandy
    | Posted on 2005-08-31 00:00:00 | by mandy dupuis | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a well-done poem. I like the emotional tone. My only nit is the stanzas seem to make it choppy to me; I really think you should be consistent (especially if you're going to rhyme). You might want to try this in free verse if you're going to leave it in this format. That takes some of the pressure off as far as structure.

    Peace,

    Joe
    | Posted on 2005-08-31 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
      dunno how i missed this one but im so glad i found it now.I envy your talents :p.Beautifully crafted words and meanings which you blend perfectly with a nice even flow making it an absolute joy to read.As you know i can relate to this i just wish i could have wrote mine as well :)im trying to be more critical as i read more and more,but not with this one its perfect to me and brings out the emotions of sadness and new hope,new love.im gonna have to add this to my favs also :)
    graham
    | Posted on 2005-08-30 00:00:00 | by gd66uk | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the theme here. That was a great line to muse off of. So many will give your heart a background. If one could perform a heart background check...many of us would have a book of pages. This really was a great motivational write. Love can be let go...yet still reside in the background.

    Li Li
    | Posted on 2005-08-25 00:00:00 | by Munchie_1226 | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey great job on taking just a name and making a really pretty good poem. I like poems with one liners in them. I think it is cool. I generally write old style. 4 lines per stanza, 4 to 6 stanza's per poem. I never really got the hang of one liners, but I like reading them. This was actually really good. I liked themessage on loving, losing, and moving on. That is the way it is supposed to be. Not dwelling on "what might have been"
    | Posted on 2005-08-24 00:00:00 | by poeticvisionary | [ Reply to This ]
      Ahhh...! Yes, how true! You never really do forget that first love do you? This is a lovely poem Candi! Very nicely written and full of deep emotions and sincerity! I like how you begin this with sadness and loss, moving on to acceptance and healing, then to moving forward to prosperity and happiness. Yet finishing this poem with a mention that this first love will remain in your heart...somewhere! Very nicely written! Take care!

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2005-08-24 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      very melancholy yet filled with hope for new love.. the old love will always have a place in the heart, for i believe that the gift of love, once given, never asks for return.
    you have risein to the challenge well! i have taken it on now too and will post mine shortly. taking on a writing challenge is always interesting and takes us to places we perhaps never thought before.
    thanks for sharing your version of this title, everyone has such a unique perspective.
    peace,
    ~Cat
    | Posted on 2005-08-24 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      Candi, this was just amazing and beautiful. magnicat has done one too and I told her that I was glad they weren't giving out awards for these poems because they'd have to give everyone one! you have done a spectacular job on this! I am almost at a loss for words because of the unexpected ending. I like how you saved that line until the end. I think it's better than mine! great job.
    | Posted on 2005-08-24 00:00:00 | by sierramuse8 | [ Reply to This ]
      Candi,
    I saw magnicat's poem and am now seeking out all of the poems. I like the way you shake out of the depression to recreate yorself in this poem. I also find it amazing that much of the central themes are very much the same although everyone's signature style is very much present.
    I think I'll jump on the bandwagon.
    jan
    | Posted on 2005-08-24 00:00:00 | by jaycee | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, well, well...what a nice twist you put on it. I think this was a very good moving forward poem, cuz hey, the world moves forward so a person better move along with it to right?Good message, good structure and nice choice of words...the third stanza was mah-vel-usssss!
    Have a good one and keep smilin'
    | Posted on 2005-08-24 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]
      to let go is one of the things you have to do to get on with your life and be happier. this is a write of healing and i hope it serves you well. i too have let go of a special someone and im moving on even though my mind somewhere in the subconscious in not allowing me to fully heal from the pain of loss.

    the first three lines show me the impact this person has/had on your mind. the next four lines deal with the heart and its pain. i like the harmony in it the mind and the heart toiling together.
    ok the chronology goes from the setting sun to dawn which leaves room for night in between so its a jump but not neccesarily a bad thing if one takes it all in mood and not concerning time itself.
    "My heart has now become the home of someone new" love that line immensely the new love what i would call new water in the springs something leaves but is replace with a better new and improved source of life and that is how it should be. old things should pass away to make room for "new love"
    you have said that this person will remain in the background of your heart that is a wonderful way to express how love has imprinted itself on you. great one Candi very touching. be proud you have come so far in your quest to sustain love for yourself and your present love. and i admire as always your courage to face your own "demons"
    best of hopes and blessings for you always,
    mike

    | Posted on 2005-08-24 00:00:00 | by inspirit999 | [ Reply to This ]
      Hmm...though this poem does seem a bit generic, it is worded quite well. My only real problem is my regular complaint...try and find some better, less common words. A thesaurus is a writer's best friend. The words that I specifically mean are: old, cold, happy, and strong. Other than that, I believe it's pretty good, but I have confidence that you can write better.
    | Posted on 2005-08-25 00:00:00 | by Skeletor | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this poem. It shows your drive and determination to move on. Not to dwell in the past, but rather hold it close to your heart. Our past is the doorway to the future and you have chosen to move forward. Very nicely done.
    Carol
    | Posted on 2005-08-25 00:00:00 | by wannabe1 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    71785

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry