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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: In the background of my heartdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: jaycee
    ASL Info:    42/F/ Texas
    Elite Ratio:    4.89 - 2436/1172/155
    Words: 159
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 439
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1101



    Description:
       After reading everyone elses poems...I decided to write one of my own. All fo these have similar elements but seem to be very different. I hope I've done justice to the subject.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIn the background of my heartdots
    -------------------------------------------


    A concert of melody
    Interwoven by the maestro.
    The laughter of the flute
    mingles with chuckles for an oboe,
    rising, then giving way to
    the somber sounds of the cello.
    The sun peaks out through
    trumpeting brass.
    The echoes of joy and light.

    Each lends a feeling of fullness
    A connectivity to life as they
    rise and fall in unison or harmony.
    They vy for attention and then recede
    to a memory.

    But in an offstage room of my heart
    recides a violin.
    It's form covered in dust
    with strings worn thin.
    On occasion
    in the aftermath of a performance
    lifes virtuoso remembers
    and pays homage
    to its glory days.

    Resonating discordance as
    meomories are plucked,
    old love tries to blend with the new
    but fails.
    Only in the silence of alone
    can it's beauty be heard
    playing in the background
    of my heart.
    Only there does it's beauty shine.





    Submitted on 2005-08-24 17:23:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I like how you gave the sounds of the instruments emotional counterparts because my brain does that, and I do think the cello is likely the saddest instrument. In "recides a violin," did you mean resides?

    Resonating discordance as
    meomories are plucked,
    old love tries to blend with the new
    but fails.
    Only in the silence of alone
    can it's beauty be heard
    playing in the background
    of my heart.
    Only there does it's beauty shine.

    I love the idea of blending old and new love in a musical composition. That's lovely, but I'm no sure about "Only in the silence of alone." Maybe you could say "Only in the silence of solitude" (Sounds like a blend of Simon and Garfunkel and Suzanne Vega).

    Lovely piece,
    Amy
    | Posted on 2005-09-07 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
      wow, this is indeed different. i love all the sounds you used for the different instruments.. unique and refreshing. the old and dusty violin sits alone in a room, representing an old love long gone.. but the memories remain and the violin plays once again, all alone... *sigh*
    you really have done a wonderful job with this one. i have read it a few times and can hear the music in my head... and then that lone violin... beautiful.
    peace&symphonies
    ~Cat
    | Posted on 2005-08-24 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      This was really great! I loved the whole idea of the symphony and then the one lone violin tucked away behind the scenes! You did a fantastic job with this challenge, as did everyone I think! We all have the same type of base idea, but convey it in very different ways, and I loved all of them.
    Great job! It was beautiful!
    Candi
    | Posted on 2005-08-24 00:00:00 | by dreamweaver | [ Reply to This ]
      after reading a few of these myself, I'd say you definently did the subject justice. I loved how you started it out, using actual musical references to tie it into what you are feeling. Everything seems so well put together, something I admire in others' works. Great job with this, it was very beautiful! makes me want to go pick up my guitar... maybe I'll just do that now.
    -Steph
    | Posted on 2005-08-24 00:00:00 | by playcrackthesky | [ Reply to This ]
      Rhythmical resonance and a deep crisp idea which makes this piece altogether fascinating. You indeed, made yourself some justice. Excellent job, dear lady
    Love Y.w.
    | Posted on 2005-08-24 00:00:00 | by YoungWerther | [ Reply to This ]
      Use of a concert and maestro... how the blending of each instrument makes the whole...this is a very unique work..."only in the silence of alone"...lovely usage...excellent work!
    ~Alan
    | Posted on 2005-08-24 00:00:00 | by MidnghtScorpion | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, how different indeed. Mine was about a light symphony playing in the background and yours has a single violin there...cool. I liked the orchestra references and they were very visual to me. Nice job Jan...
    Have a good one and keep smilin'
    | Posted on 2005-08-24 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

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