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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: MIDNIGHT EYESdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: poppa jon
    ASL Info:    44 /m /N.E.
    Elite Ratio:    3.34 - 34/46/8
    Words: 169
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 791
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1182



    Description:
       TWISTED???WARPED???Halloweenesque.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMIDNIGHT EYESdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Midnight eyes you dare not see,
    Flashing from beyond the trees.
    Screaming shadows of the night.
    Contain an eerie sound of fright.
    Foot steps closing from behind,
    Perhaps there only in your mind.
    Tortured panic seeks a grasp,
    As you flee you start to gasp.
    Running through a twisted mind,
    Terrirfied of what you find.
    Onward , faster, through the gloom,
    Certain that you'll meet your doom.
    Casting glances left and right.
    Now uncertain of your fright.
    Silence echoes through the trees,
    As you fall onto your knees.
    Looking back, a gasping breath,
    Piercing eyes are surely death.
    Midnight eyes you dared not see,
    Now in panic your mind receeds.
    Blood runs black in lunar light,
    As your assaulted by the sight.
    Your body battered, torn asunder,
    The sky erupts a sound of thunder.
    You awaken from your dreams,
    Oh how real a nightmare seems.
    A flash of lightning fills the skies,
    In the corner MIDNIGHT EYES!!!!













    Submitted on 2005-08-24 18:54:15     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      been to WalMart again looking at costumes, haven't you? just kidding, of course. neat little poem. unexpected ending. very clever. maybe you should let the cat out at night. ha, ha. well, I try to be funny!
    | Posted on 2005-09-29 00:00:00 | by sierramuse8 | [ Reply to This ]
      It's very fast pased especially good since most of the poem is someone running, You kept the rhyme scheme constant and pretty must kept a constant beat. You did an excellent job of reminding of how much most people fear the drak so much.
    | Posted on 2005-08-27 00:00:00 | by Silenced Hope | [ Reply to This ]
      I loved the imagery used in this poem. every haunting word filled me with terror and also excitement. very well written
    Oh how real a nightmare seems.
    A flash of lightning fills the skies,
    In the corner MIDNIGHT EYES!... these are favorite lines, the climax into reality and to live the dream is intense
    | Posted on 2005-08-24 00:00:00 | by stormyskye | [ Reply to This ]
      I loved the imagery used in this poem. every haunting word filled me with terror and also excitement. very well written
    Oh how real a nightmare seems.
    A flash of lightning fills the skies,
    In the corner MIDNIGHT EYES!... these are favorite lines, the climax into reality and to live the dream is intense
    | Posted on 2005-08-24 00:00:00 | by stormyskye | [ Reply to This ]
      ooooo...very cool. Reminded me of the Thriller video and those freaky eyes that they had on Mike Jackson. This was pretty eerie like the desc. said and I liked the ending. The repetative rhyme scheme just hastened the read and made me read faster and faster and the heart beat was increasing. Good stuff maynard. Have a good one and keep smilin'
    | Posted on 2005-08-24 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]
      i like it it reminded me of a halloween i went on a walk alone... spookyness i liked your style and your yhmeing added to the pull of the poem. my fav orite lines are
    "Tortured panic seeks a grasp,
    As you flee you start to gasp.
    Running through a twisted mind,
    Terrirfied of what you find."

    i just love it good job
    | Posted on 2005-08-24 00:00:00 | by ira | [ Reply to This ]
      wow. brilliant, I am jealous, i really enjoyed this emensly. talent here.Certain that you'll meet your doom.
    Casting glances left and right.
    Now uncertain of your fright.
    Silence echoes through the trees,
    As you fall onto your knees.
    Looking back, a gasping breath,
    Piercing eyes are surely death.
    Midnight eyes you dared not see,
    Now in panic your mind receeds.
    Blood runs black in lunar light,
    As your assaulted by the sight.
    Loved that part
    | Posted on 2005-08-24 00:00:00 | by manicsmuse | [ Reply to This ]
      Keep in mind I'm just critiquing, not purposely being a dick or anything. First off, the cliché "torn asunder" is a sore thumb in the midst of the poem. Also, and this is mainly personal preference, but rhyming in poetry is pretty much dead. It sounds corny. Each to his own on that subject, but rhyming in a poem limits the poet immensely. Other than that though, not bad at all.
    | Posted on 2005-08-24 00:00:00 | by Skeletor | [ Reply to This ]
      This one is good, although it has a few grammar errors. You can really imagine and write down the intensity of the fear felt in your poem. I agree with skeletor here...some of your lines really sound like they were created just for the purpose of the rhyme! There is a saying:'If it doesn't sound natural, it's not worth it'. Otherwise, nice one.
    Let the metal flow...
    | Posted on 2005-08-25 00:00:00 | by shoggoth | [ Reply to This ]


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    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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