Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • ES Magazine
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • Video Tutorials
  • RolePlay
  • 90% off Amazon
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: All truth and livesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: nnehriya
    ASL Info:    22/M/India
    Elite Ratio:    3.55 - 62/33/14
    Words: 108
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 200
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 662



    Description:
       Just something i came up with.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAll truth and livesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    He looks up, filled with hope,
    There is one thing he is calling,
    Silence, you need to be quick,
    He wants to do some talking.

    He is flowing with the river,
    Hitting the rocks too hard,
    The pain is notching up every passing moment,
    He wants to break apart.

    He has played the game all same,
    Some of mouse and some of cheese,
    Today he seems to be missing the trap,
    Some of affection and some of steel.

    Love, lust and lies,
    Our hero has savoured it all,
    The benign world has been so good,
    He wants to close, but thats not his call.




    Submitted on 2005-08-25 10:49:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Was a good write. I am sure many people can relate to this. Good imagery and full of emotion.
    I like to see that in writing. Keep up the good work.
    God Bless
    | Posted on 2005-08-25 00:00:00 | by Poetic Cure | [ Reply to This ]
      I really enjoyed this...and i think most people could relate to it at some time in their lives :) i particularly liked this verse:

    He is flowing with the river,
    Hitting the rocks too hard,
    The pain is notching up every passing moment,
    He wants to break apart.


    It creates both great imagery and emotion...


    The onlyline that threw me was this...

    Some of affection and some of steal.


    and thats because it didnt flow or fit in with the rest...nor ryhme as well...

    :)
    | Posted on 2005-08-25 00:00:00 | by stormyskies | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the overall feel of this poem. Some of the phrasing and commas threw me off a little bit, and I felt distracted from the actual words. The wordiness of: "The pain is notching up every passing moment" also seems to interrupt but I really liked the last two lines. It was a nice punch. Good job!
    Melissa
    | Posted on 2005-08-25 00:00:00 | by AngelintheRain | [ Reply to This ]
      now this IS ART ../. i love the orgnallty that this poem has ../. it deffently stands in a class of its own ../. i loved the line
    " He has played the game all same,
    Some of mouse and some of cheese,"
    that is what i call insightful../.
    keep up the good work
    | Posted on 2005-08-25 00:00:00 | by J W I | [ Reply to This ]
      I had trouble discerning this poem. Maybe because I'm dead tired from packing. lol. This was deep and thought provoking. And it had alot of imagery and the flow was very good. Could you expalin this poem to me when you can? Nice work.
    Maggie
    | Posted on 2005-08-25 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]



    Full Anime Episodes Streaming Free
    5 million youtube videos all rated over 4.7 stars with 40+ ratings

    [ Copy this | Start New | Full Size ]

    Google
     

    [ Chrispian ] [ Write Forum ]
    [ Friends ] [ SNESroms ] .
    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry
    This user has been inactive for more than 5 days.