Sign up to EliteSkills




Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

My kitchen


Author: Poly Jean
ASL Info:    31/f/FarAway
Elite Ratio:    4.46 - 382 /259 /68
Words: 115
Class/Type: Poetry /Depressed
Total Views: 1638
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 767



Description:




My kitchen




My apple and bilberry pie
Sleeps in the kitchen
In silence
Sweet and soothing
Cherry on the cake of my
Semi busy day.

Just an hour ago
You stood in my doorway
Like my apple and bilberry pie
You’re almost sleeping now
In my living room
You’re sweet, you should be soothing.

You used to be cherry on the cake of my
Lazy boring days.

You sparkled, lightly
As with wine
In a tall crystal glass.
I used to drink you in my dreams.

Now I have a hangover.

The sparkle from your eye
My darkness swallowed
My soul has cooked for me
Despair, one more time.





Submitted on 2005-08-25 16:31:04     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  Sounds like to me you again have felt the loss of a loved one. with the Metafore of silence. Or maybe the memory of knowing there time is short gives way to them almost sleeping now. Hard for me to believe that toward the end of your piece you hold so much anger over this one just for being who they are even if they changed. To me makes no sence as to the full anger u feel at the end of your pome other then the fact that u cannot live the same without drinking in there dreams. Because of excepting what happend and u not having any controll explains your anger.. This pome to me is a Great pome for it Valadates all those who cannot continue the way they use to due to uncontrollable circumstances which if festers can allow one to become bitter. I would have to say even though the pome ended with you in anger and in rage that u more reflect upon more toward the top of the page. Please feel free to reply if u feel up to it I would like to know how u think or feel about what I think regarding your piece ty much Big Bear
| Posted on 2006-04-14 00:00:00 | by Gannondalf | [ Reply to This ]
  My mind is left with questions after this...

first of all...where is faraway? i guess its america (please don't feel the need to answer this, i understand your need for privacy, but i find myself wondering anyway).

Next, what are bilberries?

wow...now i've stopped messing about this is a really depressing poem. that's not a bad thing, but it's just so real!

so..."where has the magic gone, you used to be my romeo, now i feel trapped" kind of feel to it.

now your kitchen is your prison.

the title lulled me and the message hit home even harder because of this.

so very well done!
| Posted on 2006-02-21 00:00:00 | by Senna27NZ | [ Reply to This ]
  This looks like a relationship gone bad and caused a pain so deep, the soul inside died..It is always sad when the one you have wrapped your heart around hurts you in such a way and seems to be so unfeeling and uncaring, as well..I didn't expect to read romance in -My Kitchen,-but what better place to get despair off ones chest than having a cup of coffee, confining with a friend..
| Posted on 2005-12-10 00:00:00 | by AlabamaFarmGirl | [ Reply to This ]
  oh this was excellent. I love this kitchen and food metaphor. Such great imagery and your metaphor really tied everything together. I have nothing but praise for this piece. Excellent job, keep writing.

*Brandy*
| Posted on 2005-08-25 00:00:00 | by rockunsilenced | [ Reply to This ]


Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



71961