You have a most incredible grasp of passion and, unfortunately, of heartache. The longing described within this piece is so well done. You associate feeling with tangible description and do it well.
"Toasting my toes
wishing I was in bed
with your body
touching me."
This is an extremely strong and well worded verse ~ my fave in this
Well done Steph
Wow I've been here. Longing for someone wishing I could just see their face for a split second as I try to sketch it in my mind. This dredged up thoughts that have been abated for some time. You always have a way of communicating soooo much soooo simply. It is deffinitely a talent I feel I lack which is evident when I read the third stanza of this piece. I try to write like you and emulate your style, but I lack your skill (prolly better off I keep my own style anyway.) You're a writer I admire, and it is writing like this that shows exactly why.
good work. it had a good flow and it got the point across. it makes one think and remember their own past. i think the constant imagery of fire is also well chosen. symbolic of the torch you still carry for this person and of the passion you feel. well done.
A brilliantly designed piece of work. I like the part "closing my eyes stanza" or then again the last stanza. It kind'a makes me feel whoozy and cheezy... :) and Oh yeah... What do you mean toasting your toes? You mean to toast your toes or something? By the way, I can really feel the emotions and this writing... very striking as I, myself, long also for somebody that I might say is but a dream. :)
Anyway, keep up the good work... and always pray to God. ;)
Description was important to this piece. Everyone knows what that first love feels like. That you can still taste them on your lips and feel their touch. Smell their saliva trails on your body. It just takes me back to those days. And when it first happens it's hard to remember every detail of them you only remember the parts that are imbued within. Great Piece.
so much longing in this poem, i could feel it. wishing for a lost love again is painful and you see him everywhere and feel his touch in everything.. sometimes the memories are so painful you just have to put them away for awhile and let them be.. i hope that you can find some healing.. it does take time. peace&serenity ~Cat
Steph, you are definately progressing as a writer. I liked the longing in this piece. I too have sat and watched fires dance and replay memories of lost loves in my mind. Its kinda nice, yet kinda sucks at the same time. The sweatshirt thing...brilliant. Good piece and I like watching your talent as a writer grow. Have a good one and keep smilin'
Submission Name: Fire, close my eyes
