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    dots Submission Name: Fire, close my eyesdots

    Author: playcrackthesky
    ASL Info:    21/f/IA
    Elite Ratio:    4.46 - 463/457/88
    Words: 101
    Class/Type: Misc/Longing
    Total Views: 990
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 687

       I scribbled this after a lonely bonfire...I miss him

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFire, close my eyesdots

    Watching flames
    through my fingers
    covering my eyes
    I can’t seem to picture your face
    smiling at me.

    Lean back so far
    and love those stars
    while I wish you were here
    loving me.

    Shivering in this sweatshirt
    too big and not as warm as
    your arms, your hands
    holding me.

    Laying in a chair
    knowing this is no comparison
    to your lap
    welcoming me.

    Toasting my toes
    wishing I was in bed
    with your body
    touching me.

    Closing my eyes
    I see your face, your eyes
    And they’re here
    With me.

    Submitted on 2005-08-25 19:30:23     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This should be placed under longing/PASSION.

    You have a most incredible grasp of passion and, unfortunately, of heartache. The longing described within this piece is so well done. You associate feeling with tangible description and do it well.

    "Toasting my toes
    wishing I was in bed
    with your body
    touching me."
    This is an extremely strong and well worded verse ~ my fave in this
    Well done Steph
    | Posted on 2007-11-08 00:00:00 | by ravenwolf68 | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow I've been here. Longing for someone wishing I could just see their face for a split second as I try to sketch it in my mind. This dredged up thoughts that have been abated for some time. You always have a way of communicating soooo much soooo simply. It is deffinitely a talent I feel I lack which is evident when I read the third stanza of this piece. I try to write like you and emulate your style, but I lack your skill (prolly better off I keep my own style anyway.) You're a writer I admire, and it is writing like this that shows exactly why.

    | Posted on 2005-08-29 00:00:00 | by Poor_Poet | [ Reply to This ]
      good work. it had a good flow and it got the point across. it makes one think and remember their own past. i think the constant imagery of fire is also well chosen. symbolic of the torch you still carry for this person and of the passion you feel. well done.
    | Posted on 2005-08-26 00:00:00 | by Sanjhana | [ Reply to This ]
      A brilliantly designed piece of work. I like the part "closing my eyes stanza" or then again the last stanza. It kind'a makes me feel whoozy and cheezy... :) and Oh yeah... What do you mean toasting your toes? You mean to toast your toes or something? By the way, I can really feel the emotions and this writing... very striking as I, myself, long also for somebody that I might say is but a dream. :)

    Anyway, keep up the good work... and always pray to God. ;)
    | Posted on 2005-08-26 00:00:00 | by Ardor | [ Reply to This ]
      Description was important to this piece. Everyone knows what that first love feels like. That you can still taste them on your lips and feel their touch. Smell their saliva trails on your body. It just takes me back to those days. And when it first happens it's hard to remember every detail of them you only remember the parts that are imbued within. Great Piece.

    Semper Fidelis,
    | Posted on 2005-08-25 00:00:00 | by Soulraven | [ Reply to This ]
      so much longing in this poem, i could feel it. wishing for a lost love again is painful and you see him everywhere and feel his touch in everything.. sometimes the memories are so painful you just have to put them away for awhile and let them be..
    i hope that you can find some healing.. it does take time.
    | Posted on 2005-08-25 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      i felt your emotions your sadness and longing its really good and original its got a good flow and nice imagery i like the lines

    "Laying in a chair
    knowing this is no comparison
    to your lap
    welcoming me"

    i think its clever and the sweatshirt thing was said lol. good job
    | Posted on 2005-08-25 00:00:00 | by ira | [ Reply to This ]
      Steph, you are definately progressing as a writer. I liked the longing in this piece. I too have sat and watched fires dance and replay memories of lost loves in my mind. Its kinda nice, yet kinda sucks at the same time. The sweatshirt thing...brilliant. Good piece and I like watching your talent as a writer grow. Have a good one and keep smilin'
    | Posted on 2005-08-25 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]

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