Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I need a Heart transplantdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: toyysruss
    Elite Ratio:    4.2 - 494/336/134
    Words: 273
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 776
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1199



    Description:
       youll have to pardon this.
    im not at home and i put this on here from memory.i have it written down at home,and i think i mixed some of the sentences
    i know i did

    who the hell cares

    lol
    toyysruss


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI need a Heart transplantdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Fragile,
    like glass.
    It's always a mess when it breaks.
    And no matter how long it may take.
    In silence and pain I do wait
    Fate?
    Is that what it's called?
    If it is I don't want to feel you.
    Please help me,
    I don't know what to do.
    The sharpness of the pain just cuts through.
    And I'm bleeding all over the floor.
    I'm trying to tell you what for.

    Fragile,
    like flowers.
    My tears are enough to water them.
    I produce to much,and I have to swim.
    I didn't take lessons
    and I'm drowning
    With all the water on my face,
    the frowning.
    Cannot be seen,where there once was glass.
    that windows boarded up at last.

    Fragile,
    like glass.
    Transplantation is needed to live
    And i could really care less or give
    It's getting cold in here,
    I give up
    Please help me,the river I'm crying
    I'm so tired of slowly dying




    Submitted on 2005-08-25 21:00:31     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      this is good and full of feeling. i like the way the stanzas started, setting the tone for moody and metaphoric reading. i like also how it flowed in a emotional and dark way. but i did find some of the lines to be cliché i note that you posted this from memory and not off paper. still effective writing that poeple can relate to and like. good job and take care
    | Posted on 2005-10-16 00:00:00 | by snacky fish | [ Reply to This ]
      Great poem. I like how each stnza starts with fragile. I personally love it when glass is used metaphorically, dunno why. I also like that without looking at the title your imagination can wander as to what you think is going on.
    | Posted on 2005-08-28 00:00:00 | by Lady Ankou | [ Reply to This ]
      Really enjoyed this. My image was of your heart been smashed beyond repair and you needed a new one. Superb write and keep it work it was excellent.
    | Posted on 2005-08-26 00:00:00 | by Frank Maguire | [ Reply to This ]
      This one is awesome.Pure artwork.This is one of my Fave's.it flows really good...Keep up the excellent talent.I dont have anytthing bad to say about it.
    | Posted on 2005-08-26 00:00:00 | by Criss | [ Reply to This ]
      i really enjoyed this poem. The many references to glass caught my attention. I can imagine glass cutting skin, that is pain. This poem reeks with pain and imagery. I dont think this is supposed to be taken literally, it sounds like someone has broken your heart, dissopointed you, obviously caused a lot of pain. good write, i'll add to my favorites.
    | Posted on 2005-08-26 00:00:00 | by concrete_rose | [ Reply to This ]
      wow this is really really good. now i could take this the literal way in the way that you are sick and need an actual transplant or i could take it metphorically in the sense that someone broke your heart and it hurts so much that instead of healing from it you would rather trade in the heart you have for one that is not broken. and in that case you can trade in the heart but the memory of the pain will always be there. either way i loved this. great job keep it up a definate new fave for me...Joy
    | Posted on 2005-08-25 00:00:00 | by sweet_rayne | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    72005

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    Live In Between written by teika5
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    untitled written by Outlaw
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Abyss of Love written by poetotoe
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    Dream written by closetpoet
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    Mystery Read written by kyserin

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry