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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Its Getting To Quiet In Heredots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Mrs Peabody
    ASL Info:    17/F/Canada
    Elite Ratio:    3.58 - 25/37/8
    Words: 124
    Class/Type: Misc/Love
    Total Views: 900
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 765



    Description:
       Hmm, I was bitter at the time. lol


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIts Getting To Quiet In Heredots
    -------------------------------------------


    Quiet things keep sneaking up behind me.
    It's getting harder to breathe. It's smothering me.
    If I could just get some air, I'd be able to sleep sound tonight.
    Something's gotta give, cause it all sounds the same when it's in your head.
    It's unbearable.
    I'm collapsing on soft whimpers that scream to be heard over deafening silences.
    I hate that you're trying to forget the things that i'll always remember.
    But I've got you loud and clear.
    I hear you, sweet disaster of mine.
    And my finger accidentally found the trigger.
    I guess this is the end of it.
    You'll always be in my heart but never on my mind.
    Goodbye..




    Submitted on 2005-08-26 09:28:57     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I think that this started off WONDERFULLY! But the ending was a little bit of a disappointment. I think that if you could give it more of just a longing type of feel rather then a suicidal type of feel then it would be magnificent!

    If you change anything...let me know!

    Li Li
    | Posted on 2005-08-26 00:00:00 | by Munchie_1226 | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked the second to last line, it was kind of one of those bittersweet statements, ya know?
    And the last word...goodbye...that was a good finishing touch to this.

    Aaaahhh...the realization of the fact that losing a love can be a good thing, very good for the soul. Have a good one and keep smilin'
    | Posted on 2005-08-26 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]
      Hmm, no it is not. I dont believe I've ever heard of that man, actually. I found some poems in a file on my computer that I wrote four years ago in the ninth grade haha. I figured I'd submit some old ones and some new ones. But thanks for the comments. I appreciate that at least you enjoyed the ending :)
    | Posted on 2005-08-26 00:00:00 | by Mrs Peabody | [ Reply to This ]
      not bad. i'm not so impressed with the begining where u use very clichéd analogies and depict a situation which is very common.. when things are going wrong and u cant find a sollution.. but i love it towards the end..
    starting from "But I've got you loud and clear."
    i love when u say "sweet disaster of mine". i'm quite envious that i didnt come up with it..
    it reminds me a lot of 'Porphyria's Lover' written by 'Robert Browning Jr.' Just wondering.. is this inspired from it?
    | Posted on 2005-08-26 00:00:00 | by Sanjhana | [ Reply to This ]


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