Its Getting To Quiet In Here -------------------------------------------
Quiet things keep sneaking up behind me.
It's getting harder to breathe. It's smothering me.
If I could just get some air, I'd be able to sleep sound tonight.
Something's gotta give, cause it all sounds the same when it's in your head.
I'm collapsing on soft whimpers that scream to be heard over deafening silences.
I hate that you're trying to forget the things that i'll always remember.
But I've got you loud and clear.
I hear you, sweet disaster of mine.
And my finger accidentally found the trigger.
I guess this is the end of it.
You'll always be in my heart but never on my mind.
I think that this started off WONDERFULLY! But the ending was a little bit of a disappointment. I think that if you could give it more of just a longing type of feel rather then a suicidal type of feel then it would be magnificent!
Hmm, no it is not. I dont believe I've ever heard of that man, actually. I found some poems in a file on my computer that I wrote four years ago in the ninth grade haha. I figured I'd submit some old ones and some new ones. But thanks for the comments. I appreciate that at least you enjoyed the ending :)
not bad. i'm not so impressed with the begining where u use very clichéd analogies and depict a situation which is very common.. when things are going wrong and u cant find a sollution.. but i love it towards the end.. starting from "But I've got you loud and clear." i love when u say "sweet disaster of mine". i'm quite envious that i didnt come up with it.. it reminds me a lot of 'Porphyria's Lover' written by 'Robert Browning Jr.' Just wondering.. is this inspired from it?