You feel it creeping slowly
a shortness of breath
an ache in the joints
a feeling that something is just not right
you find it harder to sleep at night
you pass it off as just getting older
you accept it with denial
and throw it over your shoulder
pretending everything is normal
this is just a phase, a morning cold
that with a few advil will soon be gone
then you remember the things you were told
you remember the times you were unsafe and bold
just gratefull to have someone to hold
you never expected the worst
that nature really can take its course
and leave you terrified of the truth
Soon you just accept this ball and chain
you find a reason for the constant pain
you start to flail and gasp
as it brings down towards a dark watery grave
you beggin to have regrets
you try to remember all that you've tried to forget
because any memory is good, even if it is bad
when you know it will be your last
you rush to make amends
to put together the broken ends
before time brings your last goodbye to a close
you scramble to get saved
to fill your heart with the eternal love
that you have reject and replaced with tears
in hope that you will have happiness at the end of your years
so many thoughts and so many emotions acumulate to the point where you wish you could just go ahead and die
instead of lying in bed and wondering why
why you had give up hoping
for the rest of your life to keep unfolding
into a mystery of new promises and experiences
ones that are now just a fading dreaming
upon a great awakening to the reality of death
you now have nuthing left.....
| This was an extremely well written poem. A few little mistakes, but really, I barely even noticed them. I loved the rhyming, and most of all, I loved the meaning. You described what it might feel like for some people so well. It reminds me of my mother. She died about 4 weeks ago and I know she didn't just die in her sleep. She was suffering for a while, but neither her nor I knew what was happening. |
But anyways, I live this piece and I'm adding it to my favorites. Great work.
|| Posted on 2007-01-04 00:00:00 | by PiperH | [ Reply to This ] || First thoughts: the ending is spoiled by the fact that you spelled "nothing" as "nuthing". |
The fear and denial of death was built up nicely in the first three stanzas. However, the piece seemed less controlled beyond this point, as though you became a bit enamoured by all the ideas about death. The "watery grave" reference was also a tad random.
Other than that, a good concept. Quite enjoyable on the whole.
|| Posted on 2005-08-28 00:00:00 | by paperdoll | [ Reply to This ] || I dont know why, but this puts me in mind of the kind of people that let impending death take over life. This is an excellent write in that perspective and I hope to all the gods I go down with a fight. I have watched so many people succumb to the eventual fate and feel that is why they die sooner.|
It's sort of like a giving up - giving in to fate.
Don't get me wrong, I like this a lot and it is an indepth look at how death can take over and done very well...I personally hope to die with a big grin on my face and hope it takes them a week to put my legs back together...
|| Posted on 2005-08-26 00:00:00 | by ravenwolf68 | [ Reply to This ] |