[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: the great reality of deathdots

    Author: robertbwell
    ASL Info:    23/m/Wyoming
    Elite Ratio:    3 - 92/150/75
    Words: 317
    Class/Type: Poetry/Death
    Total Views: 1258
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1941

       I did not write this from personal experience. I just thought this is what it would be like to die or at least what i would be like.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsthe great reality of deathdots

    You feel it creeping slowly
    a shortness of breath
    an ache in the joints
    a feeling that something is just not right
    you find it harder to sleep at night

    you pass it off as just getting older
    you accept it with denial
    and throw it over your shoulder
    pressing on
    pretending everything is normal

    this is just a phase, a morning cold
    that with a few advil will soon be gone
    then you remember the things you were told
    you remember the times you were unsafe and bold
    just gratefull to have someone to hold

    you never expected the worst
    that nature really can take its course
    and leave you terrified of the truth

    Soon you just accept this ball and chain
    you find a reason for the constant pain
    you start to flail and gasp
    as it brings down towards a dark watery grave

    you beggin to have regrets
    you try to remember all that you've tried to forget
    because any memory is good, even if it is bad
    when you know it will be your last

    you rush to make amends
    to put together the broken ends
    before time brings your last goodbye to a close

    you scramble to get saved
    to fill your heart with the eternal love
    that you have reject and replaced with tears
    in hope that you will have happiness at the end of your years

    so many thoughts and so many emotions acumulate to the point where you wish you could just go ahead and die
    instead of lying in bed and wondering why

    why you had give up hoping
    for the rest of your life to keep unfolding
    into a mystery of new promises and experiences
    ones that are now just a fading dreaming
    upon a great awakening to the reality of death
    you now have nuthing left.....

    Submitted on 2005-08-26 11:58:57     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      This was an extremely well written poem. A few little mistakes, but really, I barely even noticed them. I loved the rhyming, and most of all, I loved the meaning. You described what it might feel like for some people so well. It reminds me of my mother. She died about 4 weeks ago and I know she didn't just die in her sleep. She was suffering for a while, but neither her nor I knew what was happening.
    But anyways, I live this piece and I'm adding it to my favorites. Great work.

    | Posted on 2007-01-04 00:00:00 | by PiperH | [ Reply to This ]
      First thoughts: the ending is spoiled by the fact that you spelled "nothing" as "nuthing".

    The fear and denial of death was built up nicely in the first three stanzas. However, the piece seemed less controlled beyond this point, as though you became a bit enamoured by all the ideas about death. The "watery grave" reference was also a tad random.

    Other than that, a good concept. Quite enjoyable on the whole.

    | Posted on 2005-08-28 00:00:00 | by paperdoll | [ Reply to This ]
      I dont know why, but this puts me in mind of the kind of people that let impending death take over life. This is an excellent write in that perspective and I hope to all the gods I go down with a fight. I have watched so many people succumb to the eventual fate and feel that is why they die sooner.
    It's sort of like a giving up - giving in to fate.
    Don't get me wrong, I like this a lot and it is an indepth look at how death can take over and done very well...I personally hope to die with a big grin on my face and hope it takes them a week to put my legs back together...
    Nice write
    | Posted on 2005-08-26 00:00:00 | by ravenwolf68 | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]