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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: 2 north polesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Di Re Rakord
    Elite Ratio:    3.56 - 130/125/30
    Words: 82
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 949
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 571



    Description:
       yet again to her, this describes the internal and external diffrences between us. I am the morbid stuff. Any suggestions are appreciated. sorry the begining kinda sucks.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots2 north polesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    A fallen Angel, Tears are seaping
    Eyes of hell, blue flames gleaming
    Darkwood hair, gods own spawn
    Where effervescence lies, all hate is gone

    Your body a tempel where beauty resides
    Your eyes extravagant where all of hevan collides
    Tortured and murderd, morbid in the brain
    Nothing but selflessness, absorbing all the pain

    Clouded and confused, but for some reason flawless
    I am your muse, following you mindless
    Crying in agony, screaming away
    Bleeding in vein, death is my pay




    Submitted on 2005-08-26 13:38:57     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      i like the near rhyme in the last stanza....it works us a bit away from the sing songy feel...and the awkwardness works with the theme...

    a fallen angel in my eyes is the muse or the significant other who has fallen from the grace of the relationship...

    "your body a temple"

    i am your muse..almost as if the speaker is talking to the poet...is in love with the poet, but is rejected...yet will not give up...if you don't want me as your boyfriend or girlfriend then i will remain your muse..at least that way i am not totally out of your life...

    and so often exes become great muses...they may be physically gone from us...their memory often causes our pen to move...

    just thoughts

    jacob
    | Posted on 2011-04-02 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      i like the way you used a forced ryhme for the first two lines of each stanza, it made it so the piece wasn't like a children's rhyme. the first two stanzas are very rhythmic, but then that falls off towards the end; you just need to stick with it and it would work.

    i really enjoyed it and and could feel the way the speaker felt...you can tell they love the person they're talking too, but don't know what to do. i also like how you make it so that the speaker never reveals their gender, i really think it adds to it.

    awesome job, and i look foward to reading some more of your work!

    ~smlaw
    | Posted on 2005-09-21 00:00:00 | by smlaw | [ Reply to This ]
      Great poem and it was beautifully written. I would say it was too short, but the ending spoke what the missing lines couldn't. I think I'll add this to my favorites, ah hell I will. Good job, I've grown to love this poem, through its saddened meaning. I'd give it a 9.5 out of 10. Keep the poems comming, especially if they're as good as this one.
    | Posted on 2005-08-26 00:00:00 | by Naymless | [ Reply to This ]
      an enjoyable read.ryme was excellent till the last stanza.kinda felloff there,but this is not important for me to like this.a deep read

    cool

    toyysruss
    | Posted on 2005-08-26 00:00:00 | by toyysruss | [ Reply to This ]


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