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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Change...dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: dead,yetalive
    ASL Info:    19,female, mia FL
    Elite Ratio:    4.93 - 100/104/28
    Words: 60
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 775
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 357



    Description:
       Umm... I don't really know when I wrote this but I know that I was depressed and it's my guess that it was written after my break up with Matthew (who, at this point, noone gives a crap about). I have moved on though. I was just looking through my old song book and this fell out. Just uh... tell me what you think, what needs to be improved, and whatever else crosses your mind to say. But whatever you do COMMENT! Please and thank you.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsChange...dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Change is such a subtle thing
    It comes and goes as it pleases
    If only change were on my side
    Then I wouldn't always run and hide
    If our relationship went my way
    You would have no choice but to stay
    I liked my life how it was
    So Change please change now just because
    Now's driving me insane!




    Submitted on 2005-08-27 17:54:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Hi Doe,
    I liked this poem it has a nice flow to it and compels the reader (ie me) to think of change that I have endured (good and bad).
    Specific comments:
    * when I read your first line in isolation, my immediate reaction was, "Hey wait, not all change is subtle. Some of it is downright obvious and earth shattering." But then I read the second line and thought, "No, you're right. It is subtle in the way it comes and goes without any influence from me." Those lines gave "Change" a life of its own, as though we humans are merely pawns on its chess board if we may even be so bold as to claim such a right.
    * "If only change was on my side" Ah, it rarely is, even when we instigate it. So much so that there were so many directions the following line could have taken (eg, taking it in stride, swimming against the tide, etc.), but I think the natural reaction is, as you've point out, to run and hide.
    * Like others before me, I really liked the play on words in "So Change please change now just because" it was really clever.
    Anyway, I know there is not much by way of feedback in my comments, but I thought I would share regardless.
    Thanks for the read!
    Cheers,
    TD
    | Posted on 2006-03-13 00:00:00 | by TD | [ Reply to This ]
      This is an interesting poem and I like what you had to say here, I don't see anything that needs "changed" about this either, it is good just the way it's written.
    Keep up the good work!
    | Posted on 2005-11-20 00:00:00 | by psycho_1 | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a very different poem btu I liked it. Glad to hear that you've moved on, we spend way too much time trying to keep the past instead of moving forward. I know I've been there. Anyways, this is something I can relate to and I bet others can too. Sometimes change seems like the worse thing in the world and yet it can be the best at the same time. we wish that we could make the changes that would be in the best interest for us, that would keep us happy and yet we can't make those changes. We can only make changes of ourselves and not of others. We try to make the other stay, if only we had control and could make them change there mind so that they would stay and we could be happy. But they wouldn't be happy and that would make us feel shame. We wish that we could change what's going on because what's happening now isn't what we want and yet we can't.
    Sorry that I wrote so much, just kept going. Hope that i'm on the right track with this one.

    Great poem, short but good.
    ~manda
    | Posted on 2005-08-27 00:00:00 | by manderz_1207 | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this line:

    "So Change please change now just because"

    I can completely understand. I hate change, but sometimes it is necessary ... seems like the only time I welcome it is when I don't like the current situation.

    Glad you've moved on ... hope you've found happiness now.

    - Cyn
    | Posted on 2005-08-27 00:00:00 | by Cyntia | [ Reply to This ]


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