Description: ok well this was inspired by a movie i saw. the girl whos drugged up brother had cornered her into an alley was raped by a random person her brother knew because she refused to sell her lyrics.since she was became a rapper i decided to make it a rap instead of a poem.i think the endings bad so if you have any sugesstions im open
raped -------------------------------------------
angels wouldnt take ya
hell couldnt have ya
now your stuck on this hell on earth
sitten their ponderin your worth
cause docters didnt want to take ya cause you didnt have no medical
the cruelty of society is incredible
now your familys got to go through all this shit
their hearts been turned into a bottomless pit
all these thoughts runnin through your head
hopin
wishen
prayin
god took revenge and whoever did this was dead
your familys wishin hed done it to them instead
i see you their tryin to pick up the pieces of your life
hopin someday youll make a good wife
he didnt take your life but he took your ability to make life
you moved on but you will always remeber
wishin you could take the pain and return it to sender
wow.. for someone who hasn't had to experience this you did a great job of writing about it... I actually like this as a poem but for the reasoning of making a rap it's definetely a good one.. it's a great rap although when I first read it , it didn't come to me as a rap, maybe because I'm not a rapper... anyways..
it's hell when you can't go to heaven yet you can't go to earth either.. you have no idea who you are anymore after something like this happens... the doctors line was incredible because it's so true.. these girls get raped but half the time nothing is done and they can't get to the doctors because they don't have insurance.. i think thats what you meant when you said "didnt have no medical".. hope Im right about that.. but there should be laws about that kind of stuff because its a totally different situation than any other...
After something like this happens you have so many thoughts yet you don't want to say anything at the same time.. your scared and your scared for your family all because some reckless guy couldn't control himself and now your scarred for life and your family has to deal with this too.. there heartbroken that you have to deal with all of that...
although it's a sin to wish death upon another I think that in this situation it's different.. at least in my eyes.. because any woman/girl who has to go through that should wish death upon that man... actually I would probably wish cruelty for the rest of his life but... anyways... its hard for your family because they wish that it had been them but it wasnt and thats all there is to it.. theres nothing that they can do to make you feel better it happened and nobody can ever take away the pain or the memories of it...you dream of someday making a good wife even though you know it'll be hard to be with a guy like that because of what one guy did to you... all time FAV line of the entire thing...
he didnt take your life but he took your ability to make life
this is so true.. he didnt take all of your life away but he took away your ability to make life.. to be able to go out and do stuff like other people... to be able to move on after this has happened to you.. Although you've "moved" on it will never go away, unfortunately it will always be with you memories and grieve.. you wish that your hurt was sent to the one who brought you that hurt but its great that your getting on with your life and being able to make a life into yourself...
I know that I said you alot even though it wasnt about you it was about the girl in the poem so i just hope you know that... anyways this was an awesome write..sorry it was so long and so sorry to the girl who had to deal with this... its terrible... anyways I am looking forward to reading more of your work as I have in the past.. take care and keep working that talent of yours... ~manda
gena gena gena! i love this! its really good! and screw wat all these ppl say about slang and spelling errors their just a whole bunch of "people" that dont know wat their talking about! anyway see u at school today! cant belive ur dating vincent! and i typed "Dying Slowy" so its on! ~akaila evonne~
It was ok. I dont care much for rap, but I though this was good as a poem. I agree with the others big deal about the spelling and grammar. One should beable to put on paper what is in their mind. From the brain to the pen. Good luck
don't regard anything valhalla says about grammar cuz he tells me that bullsh it too. i think people should write how they want. this one was good. was it ur first rap. but being a poet u had a lotta practice with words and rhyme schemes. good job "troy"
Firstly I thought this was good. I think I saw only about one spelling error and that was "sitten" which is supposed to be "sittin" yea you're probably thing who cares about my damn spelling error. But I just wanted to point that out. And I also disagree with valhalla. If they read the description they would have known that this wasnt a poem, it was a rap. Slang isn't a big deal to me when it comes to rap because I can't think of a single rap that doesn' have slang in it so I wanted to point that out so you dont think anything of that part of valhallas comment. Anyways this was good. I particularly liked the beginning for some resason. It just seemed to stick out from the rest of it. Well I can't really find anything wrong with this at all. Good job!
I like the ending because when some one is violated in any way it only seems natural they would want revenge doesn't it? If you want to be a good wife though how could your heart be a bottomless pit because the thought of wanting another person after being raped is a tremendous effort.
Submission Name: raped
