There was a very pretty road
that was all paved in pretty gold
but these bricks they held a life
held it fast with silver knife
Terrified and feeling fright
this child will never again see light
for while some stories are nicely told
this one's end is very cold
Pin headed out on a simple quest
Plain and calm a little test
To show that he was brave of heart
And he headed off with horse and cart
Through the woods, the people say
Walk on through for just a day
pass the bridge and flowing stream
before you lay on down to dream
Be very careful, show no fear
of the eyes that begin to leer
These demons, it is death they bring
Do not take their tempting things
Ignore their voices and stay the path
Do not invoke their darkened wrath
For though they tempt, it's greed they hate
Heed our voice, we protect your fate!
But Pin refused to listen then
when offered not one coin but ten!
With greedy eyes and blackened heart
He took them then, and was torn apart
So if you wish to live another day
heed my warnings, this I say
Stay away from Storybook Road
for greed and death are hidden in gold.
| absolutely f*cking WOW! this was so great, so awesome...such a great and dark creative twist. it seems almost like you expose all the horrible things in the world and you tell the truth...your words are real.||| Posted on 2006-03-09 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ] || 'Tis the Piggster here and...oooOOOooo...I'm hoping if they're givin' medals at this 'Challenge' that you came away with at LEAST a silver. This is proof, Ladies and Gents, that if you have a creative mind such like the Crowness, you should FLAUNT...and flaunt it she did. The images flashing in MY mind, however, looked a tad spooky...he, he, which is what I'm assuming you were going for, right Crow? I kept seeing this harmless soothsayer, sitting by the side of said road, pulling in little children, bading them to listen to her. Poor Pin. *sniffs* We shall all remember his "blackened heart" and how he suffered so that Crow could write a magnificent story about him! Jolly good, friend!|
|| Posted on 2005-10-02 00:00:00 | by Trufflepiggy | [ Reply to This ] || Sicobe, this is nothing less than superb!|
How brilliant to come up with yet another take on the title, a dark story! Simply excellent.
I loved your rhyme and rhythm, it made a little sing-songy thingy out of it, and added to the fairy tale propertirs of the poem.
Excellent work! I loved it!
|| Posted on 2005-08-29 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ] || WOW! I am seeing all the differences in minds here. I too took the challenge...I just read magnicat's version...and now yours.|
This is amazing. You gave it such a dark side. As though...storybook road is NOT the place to be. I felt the depth of your write!
|| Posted on 2005-08-29 00:00:00 | by Munchie_1226 | [ Reply to This ] || ooooo...I loved the last line...berry, berry true. Nice twist you put to it. How things that seem nice and enchanting can be dark, sinister and evil...whoooo-hoooo-haaaaaa-haaaaa-haaaa!|
The format and rhyme scheme just kept the reader sucked in, wondering what was coming next.
What a cool interpretation you gave us. Nice job ma dear. Have a good one and keep smilin'
|| Posted on 2005-08-29 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ] || Definately a different twist on things here. In the vain of the Brothers Grimm for sure. But then, so many fairy tales are of the dark side even little red riding hood. Good job with the challenge! And I see you've included a moral at the end.|
|| Posted on 2005-08-29 00:00:00 | by wannabe1 | [ Reply to This ] || A very classic tale - well told|
Children's stories have been Disneyed for years. The traditional ones had things that ate you or did horrid things. I believe there are a few texts that present them in their original forms.
the last line adds a morality twist, again something found in many classic stories.
Nice write. Thanks for going there.
|| Posted on 2005-08-29 00:00:00 | by beatthedrum | [ Reply to This ] || Quite the moral, and quite the bedtime story as well. sounds like something i'd read to little children. shoot, i might even read it once more before i go to sleep, if i go, that is.|
i like this. i like this a lot.
|| Posted on 2005-08-29 00:00:00 | by hybridmagnolia | [ Reply to This ] || This reminded me of Hanzle and Grettle mixed with and the Bogey Man. It read through smoothly and it seemed to me like and old woman was telling it on Holloween to trick or treaters. Anyways good job, I'd give this poem a 8.8 out of 10. Keep the poems comming.||| Posted on 2005-08-28 00:00:00 | by Naymless | [ Reply to This ] || oh my, that is quite a twist on Storybook Road... the poor child has already learned greed at such a young age, and that is the tragedy here.. this is a story worthy of the Brothers Grimm... grim indeed.. |
it is always fascinating to see what comes of these challenges. thanks for stepping up to the plate with your ebil ikkle twist...!
|| Posted on 2005-08-28 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ] || You rock camel socks, not that you worry about socks when you're naked. Wierdo. Post. Because. How am I supposed to know what? You figure it out, goober. I luff this, it's something Tom would say. Keepitup and suches... ahhh I'm seeing little brown buggies... -rue||| Posted on 2005-08-28 00:00:00 | by Rue | [ Reply to This ] |