[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Drowning In Youdots

    Author: Raivn
    ASL Info:    33/f/al
    Elite Ratio:    4.28 - 1222/916/231
    Words: 128
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 653
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 830

       Just got bored last night. This is what came of it.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDrowning In Youdots

    Tie me to the bed.
    Make me moan and scream.
    Take me on a journey to heaven and hell,
    And all those places in between.
    Search me with your tongue,
    Conquer me with your lips.
    Tease me till I'm swimming in lust,
    Then go ahead and take a dip,
    Into a sea of endless warmth
    Where you and I can drown,
    Both fighting against a whirlwind of passion.
    We break the surface, but we're sucked back down.
    I'm sinking into the depths once more,
    You've gone and pulled me back in.
    I can't fight that look in your eyes,
    Or the feel of your skin.
    I'm drawn into the current again,
    Floating in pools of blue.
    There's no point in trying to breathe,
    Because I'm drowning in you.

    Submitted on 2005-08-29 08:42:18     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      how sweet. i love the beginning Tie me to the bed.
    Make me moan and scream.
    Take me on a journey to heaven and hell,
    And all those places in between."
    that was awesome. u can tell u want him. have fun!
    ~akaila evonne~
    | Posted on 2005-09-08 00:00:00 | by iluvpoetry_1 | [ Reply to This ]
      Loved it! Absolutely loved it! The imagery in this was so vivid, and it flowed so perfectly beautiful! I enjoyed reading this so much! It was such a tastefully written poem full of passion. You could not have written it any better! Loved it!
    | Posted on 2005-08-29 00:00:00 | by Geraldine | [ Reply to This ]
      There is a thin line between vulagrity and sensuality.Well, what you've written here definitely is more sensual than anything else.
    I 've liked the way you've expressed the way his eyes hypnotise you into surrendering..:)

    I can't fight that look in your eyes,
    Or the feel of your skin.
    I'm drawn into the current again,
    Floating in pools of blue

    This is absolutely passionate..
    | Posted on 2005-08-29 00:00:00 | by Sophia | [ Reply to This ]
      Another one about love, I see it's your style, cool signature though common. You are infatuated aren't you. None the less it was a good piece. Way to go- Sharon
    | Posted on 2005-08-29 00:00:00 | by SavedDragon | [ Reply to This ]
      Very good and very imaginitive. I liked your theme, structure and the way it came together very well. The first four lines set the scene and pulled me into reading it - well done.
    | Posted on 2005-08-29 00:00:00 | by Frank Maguire | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    Summer written by layDsayD
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Break Up written by WriteSomething
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    To written by SavedDragon
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    Incubus written by monad
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    The Promise written by annie0888
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Linger written by saartha




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]