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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Awakedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Poor_Poet
    ASL Info:    18/male/Washington
    Elite Ratio:    4.21 - 31/57/18
    Words: 189
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 936
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1264



    Description:
       Hmmmm... No sleep last night caused this folley of wordplay. I hope someone likes it. It's kinda got a simple idea backing it, which is sleep dep. That's where I am right now, stumbling through a taurine dream. Ugh! I can hear the cat in the next room's tongue scrape accross its flesh. Well enjoy Maybe if you like it I will too.

    P.S. I had no sleep in me when I wrote that, and now that I have slept for a little while I've decided I really like this piece. This is prolly the first good write I have had in a while, and honestly I kinda love it so featured for a while it will be.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAwakedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Awake

    My whole world churns,
    And swings in livid motion,
    I hear the hum of existence,
    It's ringing in my ears.

    Here I am to see the morning once more,
    Sun viciously beating down on me,
    And the song it plays, an ode
    Or melody to the tune of my soul.

    Reality furls out before me,
    Surreal it plays accross my flesh-toned senses,
    Talons dragging, leaving bloody tracks
    As it crawls out along my path.

    The heart it pounds like coffin nails,
    Remembering what life is like,
    Wishing merely to wander,
    Within the absence of sleep.

    My eyes hunger, briefly twitching
    Shifting nervously accross what this new light reveals,
    They bite the mind - their feeding hand,
    In keeping their mouths open.

    My tongue is held in place,
    For the fear it might make noise,
    So my trembling fingers do the talking,
    And scream until they caugh up blood.

    Here I am, slumberless and clinging
    grasping for my consciousness,
    Finally awake, I bear witness
    To what occurs when I am not...

    And I realize... I want to go to sleep.




    Submitted on 2005-08-29 10:37:59     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I like it. The imagery seems to stir up the right emotions and mood...and when there is imagery like this, where it dances upon the darkness of your precious sight, you continue to yearn for more words to set the stage for actions. The ending was good and pulled me back to read the whole piece again.
    -adharas_dream@you'dbetterbeimpressed.com-
    | Posted on 2005-09-02 00:00:00 | by thesinoftaima | [ Reply to This ]
      i like it the wording and imagery and all. i got odd things from it though i remembered somehting from along time ago somehting i've worked hard not to remember so it was intersting all around for that reason. i liked your imagery and yeah good job
    | Posted on 2005-08-31 00:00:00 | by ira | [ Reply to This ]
      well this is good and reminds me a lot of a time when i stayed up for two days ( no reason at all i just felt the need) but when reading this i could very well see someone just laying in bed trying to sleep and every once in a while opening their eyes to see if someone or something is there. You are very discrptive in this poem which is always good, I'd have to say that i saw images in my head, but the one stanza i read i just thought that is very weird, and that was this stanza

    "My tongue is held in place,
    For the fear it might make noise,
    So my trembling fingers do the talking,
    And scream until they caugh up blood"

    I just found that to be very abstract, if you really think about it, it seems that it should be the other way around but late night poems aren't really made to make sense and this is an awesome poem.
    The picture that you put on with it is very cool as well.

    ~liz~
    | Posted on 2005-08-29 00:00:00 | by Fadingperson | [ Reply to This ]
      mmm taurine dream. i liked this poem very much, self-indulgent as it may be. i'm well aware of the madness that is sleep deprivation...yet you can channel it into something productive and that's the whole idea. very apt word use here. sometimes queasy, and often delirious and bizarre. the ironic ending made me laugh out loud too. there's a great edgy tone and vast movement here, i really enjoyed this read. its written remarkably well, despite the circumstances.
    | Posted on 2005-08-29 00:00:00 | by infernal_rose | [ Reply to This ]


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