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Suicidal District

Author: SavedDragon
Elite Ratio:    3.61 - 303 /258 /86
Words: 137
Class/Type: Poetry /Serious
Total Views: 2071
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 897


When we lose one... we soon lose all

Suicidal District

Here a night is day
Lights of many, clouds of gray

Shotgun goes again
Everyone has lost a friend

Kid, give me a smoke
says the guy who's always broke

A child has a child
was a rebel, always wild

this guy had two wives
went to jail 'cause he took two lives

A mutt left on the street
Marks of blood when it was beat

A baby, neglected
by her mothers past reflected

A sister sliced her wrists
a brother faught with hands of fists

In her chest, a knife
It ended when she took her life

Everyday another gone
One will go but one will come

Bullet through the head
Deaths of plenty, plenty dead

This district goes undone
Lose a life, lose everyone

Submitted on 2005-08-29 10:38:17     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  I realy like the last lin->
This district goes undone
Lose a life, lose everyone
It realy makes me think
think when u loose 1 u can loose them all.
| Posted on 2006-01-20 00:00:00 | by DrewDilla | [ Reply to This ]
  not much else to say but wow. wow. this was really good. i actully can see any improvement to be made. The subject was a tricky one, but you pulled it off wonderfully.
| Posted on 2005-12-23 00:00:00 | by LivingShadow | [ Reply to This ]
  oh wow... this was really good. I think I got a little tear. I thought it brought up some really good points, I think you hit a lot of key areas where alot of problems lie. Def. a fav. Good Job!

| Posted on 2005-12-14 00:00:00 | by Drea | [ Reply to This ]
  Morbid much? Still a good write, I like the flow and the couplet lines. The imagery is really good, maybe a little too good. You should write a King-novel...

| Posted on 2005-12-09 00:00:00 | by Flamequill | [ Reply to This ]
  awesome poem. great imagination. i hope your poetry is enable to encourage other people in doing 'somthing' for peace and not just whine or blame the ones who destroy the peacefulness. again- great write.
| Posted on 2005-11-29 00:00:00 | by obaid | [ Reply to This ]
  "Everyday another gone
One will go but one will come...
This district goes undone
Lose a life, lose everyone"

...yeah these lines are very true, and very slick. But anyways, I love this poem because it is indeed honest, when I read this, all that I see is a rundown city, with horns honking every few minutes, and all kinds of sounds in the background, just a very bad place, where bad things happen, and I think that this is indeed true also, I mean your theory "You lose one, you lose them all" I love that theory, well anyways I gotta go


| Posted on 2005-11-25 00:00:00 | by vanhokinshtyl | [ Reply to This ]
  i really liked this poem and i can only say its a little hard to follow floew wise but one thing you could say in it is instead of
"this guy had two wives
went to jail 'cause he took lives"
you could say:
"this guy had two wives
went to jail 'cause he took two lives"
i dont know i just think it sounds better but other than that i really liked this poem

-claire :)
| Posted on 2005-11-17 00:00:00 | by dismal_s child | [ Reply to This ]
  I darmatically appreciate how you elites are so very brilliant and are able to understand my points of view...I do not write to talk about how I wish to commit suicide but rather to inform the effects of it and the truth about how our society is violent. I wish to see things get better as most. -Sharon Thank you
| Posted on 2005-08-30 00:00:00 | by SavedDragon | [ Reply to This ]
  I really thought you had good rythmn here, except in the last line. But you did a really awesome job and I am going to have to look into some of your other writings! Usually poetry about suicide is rewlaly dark and gruesome, but you shed another light on it, besides describing it like most, you went into the reasons behind it, and I enjoyed that. Have a great day adm keep writing!
| Posted on 2005-08-29 00:00:00 | by AmandaLyn | [ Reply to This ]
  sharon, i don't care for suicide poems, that is poems that promote suicide or self mutilation but your write provides a backdrop of different circumstances from which self destructive behaviours can arise.this poem is a refreshing change as far as the content is concerned given the obviously gave this a lot of thought and exercised restraint.there was a time not that long ago when suicide and self mutilation poems were de rigeure on this site.i'm glad that things have changed and i'm glad to see that you are more than just another sensationalist.if you have the time please go back to the very first poem on my page, "gallows and ashes", and try to comment.leave me a message about what you decide to do and i'll follow up with a reply.good luck and fare well. SoNNy
| Posted on 2005-08-29 00:00:00 | by sickly | [ Reply to This ]
  Well written with a clear and concise theme. It was very good and made me reflect on how society is. We all need to strive to make the world a better place.
| Posted on 2005-08-29 00:00:00 | by Frank Maguire | [ Reply to This ]
  Was good. Sad how our society is. You captured it well in your writing. Keep up the good work. Was a few spelling errors. Don't worry we all do them once in a while.
| Posted on 2005-08-29 00:00:00 | by Poetic Cure | [ Reply to This ]
  This one was very good, though deeply depressing. It is so true, though. In this day and age there is so much craziness. Very good write!
| Posted on 2005-08-29 00:00:00 | by Geraldine | [ Reply to This ]
  i liked this one a lot. it seemed like an ode 2 all those who have lost their lives in different conditions all over the world. i was gonna copy and paste my favorite stanza but they were all really good. this one's going down as a fave. good write.
| Posted on 2005-08-29 00:00:00 | by unknown soldier | [ Reply to This ]
  I am amazed at the sheer fluid beauty of this piece. even in it's morbid, no, solemn context it manages to find a certain dark beauty in the wording you use. each line flows into the next in an entrancing rhythym that keeps the reader riding the waves through a catharsis of sorts... very nicely done!
| Posted on 2005-11-20 00:00:00 | by lynxstarfire | [ Reply to This ]

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