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    dots Submission Name: One more timedots

    Author: theman
    ASL Info:    21/m/mn
    Elite Ratio:    3.52 - 496/478/149
    Words: 177
    Class/Type: Poetry/Death
    Total Views: 519
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1065


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsOne more timedots

    The days grow older
    my depression hits rock bottom
    the thoughts of cutting racing though my head again
    Letting the jagged blade slide gently across my old scars.
    Just one more time, just deep enough
    to get that rush that made me feel so high.

    Yet as the days get older
    My depression still at rock bottom
    nothin harder that taoday
    I was expected to pay for my parents family
    I lied, I need a 2nd time to feel that high but this time I plan to die.

    I let that jagged blade slide gently on my old a scars.
    Teasing myself again,letting the blood trickle out of the the wounds that I created
    I push even harder
    splitting the flesh wide open
    seeing the blood drip into the carpet
    infront of my parents room.
    I start to run
    I see how deep i cut
    I see the wounds
    I think i'm doomed
    My mind is gloomy
    My body is week
    but I don't care
    I can't wait tell i'm 6 feet deep.

    Submitted on 2005-08-29 14:06:25     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      ummm.. I kinda dont get some of it. But anywayz I think like the write and the form and [censored] was good and stuff...but why did you write it??? I mean...why would you wanna cut yourself upa nd [censored]??? just askin...
    | Posted on 2005-09-27 00:00:00 | by Drea | [ Reply to This ]
      You misspelled "weak". The short sentences towards the end of the poem helped add a great sense of urgency. This had me asking "Is this the end?" Are the parents to blame for your depression? The lines "seeing the blood drip into the carpet/infront of my parents room." makes me feel like the blame is held on the parents.
    | Posted on 2005-08-29 00:00:00 | by Nny | [ Reply to This ]
      I like it. Very truthful. However, next time.. try writing about your emotions without using cutting. It is an overrated topic. Try using symbolism, take an inanimate character in life and portray events happening to them... something like that. It would be really nice to read a poem by you in this style.
    | Posted on 2005-08-29 00:00:00 | by Dark Angel | [ Reply to This ]
      well, this is a very blunt poem, i like how you repeated yourself a little that to me kinda made what you wanted to do stick in my mind, in this you take the reader step by step what you are doing and how you are feeling, you are very discriptive in the piece with lines like
    "Letting the jagged blade slide gently across my old scars."
    Now when i read that line i thought maybe you cut in the same place so that you won't have to many scars or that you cut in the same place to relive the old feelings when you cut.
    In the second stanza i was a little confused with the line
    "I was expected to pay for my parents family"
    When i read this i have no idea what you mean or what it could mean, but also in the second stanza i love the line right after that one
    "I lied, I need a 2nd time to feel that high but this time I plan to die."
    i really don't know why i like it but i kinda do, one idea that i got from this was that you have cut many many times before but you would never go to far as that you wouldn't come back but this time you just didn't care.
    In the last stanza there was one line that really caught my eye and that was
    "seeing the blood drip into the carpet
    infront of my parents room."
    and this caught my eye because it means that you either cut your wrist in front of the door or cut some where and then went there and let it drip kinda of telling your parents what you did and then see what they do like a game.
    Awesome write.

    | Posted on 2005-08-29 00:00:00 | by Fadingperson | [ Reply to This ]

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