One more time -------------------------------------------
The days grow older
my depression hits rock bottom
the thoughts of cutting racing though my head again
Letting the jagged blade slide gently across my old scars.
Just one more time, just deep enough
to get that rush that made me feel so high.
Yet as the days get older
My depression still at rock bottom
nothin harder that taoday
I was expected to pay for my parents family
I lied, I need a 2nd time to feel that high but this time I plan to die.
I let that jagged blade slide gently on my old a scars.
Teasing myself again,letting the blood trickle out of the the wounds that I created
I push even harder
splitting the flesh wide open
seeing the blood drip into the carpet
infront of my parents room.
I start to run
I see how deep i cut
I see the wounds
I think i'm doomed
My mind is gloomy
My body is week
but I don't care
I can't wait tell i'm 6 feet deep.
ummm.. I kinda dont get some of it. But anywayz I think like the write and the form and [censored] was good and stuff...but why did you write it??? I mean...why would you wanna cut yourself upa nd [censored]??? just askin...
You misspelled "weak". The short sentences towards the end of the poem helped add a great sense of urgency. This had me asking "Is this the end?" Are the parents to blame for your depression? The lines "seeing the blood drip into the carpet/infront of my parents room." makes me feel like the blame is held on the parents.
I like it. Very truthful. However, next time.. try writing about your emotions without using cutting. It is an overrated topic. Try using symbolism, take an inanimate character in life and portray events happening to them... something like that. It would be really nice to read a poem by you in this style.
well, this is a very blunt poem, i like how you repeated yourself a little that to me kinda made what you wanted to do stick in my mind, in this you take the reader step by step what you are doing and how you are feeling, you are very discriptive in the piece with lines like "Letting the jagged blade slide gently across my old scars." Now when i read that line i thought maybe you cut in the same place so that you won't have to many scars or that you cut in the same place to relive the old feelings when you cut. In the second stanza i was a little confused with the line "I was expected to pay for my parents family" When i read this i have no idea what you mean or what it could mean, but also in the second stanza i love the line right after that one "I lied, I need a 2nd time to feel that high but this time I plan to die." i really don't know why i like it but i kinda do, one idea that i got from this was that you have cut many many times before but you would never go to far as that you wouldn't come back but this time you just didn't care. In the last stanza there was one line that really caught my eye and that was "seeing the blood drip into the carpet infront of my parents room." and this caught my eye because it means that you either cut your wrist in front of the door or cut some where and then went there and let it drip kinda of telling your parents what you did and then see what they do like a game. Awesome write.