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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: over itdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: bluecrane
    ASL Info:    19/F/WASHINGTON
    Elite Ratio:    3.61 - 70/83/26
    Words: 91
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 759
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 569



    Description:
       lately i have gotten back with my old boyfriend that i used to have a really big thing for...but lately someone else has started to take his place. and i couldn't be happier with the new person.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsover itdots
    -------------------------------------------


    given and taken
    love is divine
    no i was mistaken
    your love is not mine

    you hold me in pieces
    and i slip between the cracks
    love's not supposed to be like this
    the love i gave you can't be taken back

    you start to lose me
    my memories will fade
    the pain inside of me
    is finally going away

    i dont want you the way i did
    and i can't believe it doesn't hurt
    the feelings have suddenly ended
    i found a way to release your curse




    Submitted on 2005-08-30 01:54:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This is a good poem! I like the happy tone that it has throughout. It has this optimistic quality that just reinforces the words! I like the way you wrote this as well! And I agree that this is a wonderful feeling when you realize you are finally getting over someone who really hurt you. And better yet, it is great when you meet someone new cause not only does it help heal the heart, it brings its own new excitement of meeting and being with someone new! This is a very enjoyable poem! Good job with this! Take care!

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2005-09-08 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      i related to the subject matter, as well...

    but the rhyme scheme to me was awkward, and distracting to the piece. that was just me, though. i really liked this line, though:

    "the love i gave you cannot be taken back".

    that's so true. so many people don't understand how much you're giving when you love someone. especially with all of your heart.
    | Posted on 2005-08-31 00:00:00 | by cre_dia | [ Reply to This ]
      I agree with the other comments posted. I enjoyed it and can relate to the subject matter. Isn't is a relief when you find out that life goes on and you CAN get over someone?.. But I do think you can make it better. If you have the talent and the will to do it, you can make this poem amazing.
    | Posted on 2005-08-30 00:00:00 | by Mrs Peabody | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the idea of this, I really do. But mayeb if you worked on this a little bit I could love it? The subject is a well covered one but you make your poem stand out because you cover the whole slide rather than just one point. It is good but reading this make me think you could make it great? You use your wording so well and obviously have an original take on things, I do like it.
    Han
    | Posted on 2005-08-30 00:00:00 | by Hidden_depths | [ Reply to This ]
      From a content stand point, I think you covered all the emotional transitions falling in and out of love normally follow. As far as poetic content, the rhyming pattern and meter were uneven and difficult to read. Still over all, the piece carried the underlying meaasge.
    | Posted on 2005-08-30 00:00:00 | by The Gadfly | [ Reply to This ]
      wow.. i know exactly how you felt in this one.. i really loved the wording you used.. it was just right and appropriate for your subject
    given and taken
    love is divine
    no i was mistaken
    your love is not mine

    this was my fav part!! keep it up!
    ~*~amber~*~
    | Posted on 2005-08-30 00:00:00 | by rocknpoetrychik | [ Reply to This ]


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