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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Walk A Mile In My Bluesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: dmm
    ASL Info:    50/M/Minnesota
    Elite Ratio:    3.81 - 741/888/102
    Words: 105
    Class/Type: Poetry/Comedy
    Total Views: 1220
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 622



    Description:
       This is a poetic excersise suggested to me by sierramuse8 that was a fun challange and I decided it maybe was worth sharing.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWalk A Mile In My Bluesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    On Blackberry road 'neath a low flying cloud
    Stands a fellow whose life is a blur

    Abandoned by his mother not two days ago
    Now his thoughts just go round in a whir

    Doesn't give a lick about nothin' he sees
    Would like to hurl himself off a cliff.

    Speaks in a voice that no one can hear
    Man this poor guy needs a lift

    Is there a doctor with a needle to inject him
    With some joy that can help him rejoice?

    Or a beautiful song sung so sweetly
    By a maid with a low soulful voice.





    Submitted on 2005-08-30 08:33:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Wasn't the read I expected by your title, but yet a nice write.
    All the poor lad needed was a fair maiden to love. Hope he found her at long last.
    Smiles,
    ~Linda
    | Posted on 2006-04-03 00:00:00 | by AlabamaFarmGirl | [ Reply to This ]
      yeah the title was missleading and it was too short but thats what i liked the most about it... it was short and right to the point and the title adds a dimension to it that i would not have seen on my own... it is beautifully written and well polished... dont change a thing... love it the way it is...

    PEACE and LOVE, greg
    | Posted on 2005-12-02 00:00:00 | by geherald | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked the title. A little misleading, but good nonetheless. The poem was short, but sweet and to the point. The ending could use a bit of work but otherwise a great piece.
    | Posted on 2005-09-25 00:00:00 | by ParanoidParadox | [ Reply to This ]
      From the title, I thought this might be about borrowing jeans (kidding). Hey, I need some of that joy stuff too. This was definately unique; I wish I could think of something really witty to say, but I can't. Peace, Amy
    | Posted on 2005-09-01 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked the simpicity and orginality of this poem. ... dont hurl your self over a cliff though, that wouldn't be good at all, a dramatic ending... but very final! there would be no sequels!

    p.s. i have a very soulful beautiful voice,
    | Posted on 2005-08-30 00:00:00 | by stormyskye | [ Reply to This ]
      This is really good! Very sad story told here but told very well. Music has always had some sort of magic to it, well at least for me! It always seems to lift my spirits even when I am sad and it would probably work for this guy too! Especially if he enjoys that soulful music!Very nice write Dan! Take care!

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2005-08-30 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      that's really cool dan! I love this. it's not only clever, but it flows well and has a definite sense of longing and desperation. I think you've outdone me. maybe we can get some more people to do the exercise too! I like poetry exercises. they get me thinking. and writing! excellent write.
    | Posted on 2005-08-30 00:00:00 | by sierramuse8 | [ Reply to This ]
      The title set my mood for a blues song (big blues fan) after reading, I have decided it is a beautiful song it's just not long enough
    Despite that I couldn't get enough of it, I DID like how short & simple this was and yet a story was born.
    I was alternating John Lee Hooker & Etta James singing this while imagining a young man whose mother had passed and their relationship being such a close one crushed him to the point of depression & not wanting to go on if he couldn't be heard - if his life couldn't be sang
    I could be totally off on meaning - but I really liked this - nice write
    Lisa
    | Posted on 2005-08-30 00:00:00 | by ravenwolf68 | [ Reply to This ]


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