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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Disconnectdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: painofthanatos
    Elite Ratio:    4.32 - 684/571/86
    Words: 86
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 776
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 487



    Description:
       It needs a title, any suggestions?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDisconnectdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I know that right now you are sitting by your phone
    And I know youíre waiting for my call
    And youíre waiting for me to let you down just one last time
    You just need this one last failed attempt
    To reassure you that you donít need me

    My heart is calling to you
    Can you hear it scream?
    More then being hurt, Iím afraid of hurting you
    So Iíll keep hanging up before it rings
    Crying a tear for each button pushed in vain




    Submitted on 2005-08-30 14:56:55     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Is this bout me... I hope not or I'll be sad. Cheer up babs I love you. I liked this poem though, it spoke more than what was written, and that's what I really look for. emotion bleeds from the capalaries of the piece and...oh, yeah...I love you
    | Posted on 2005-09-19 00:00:00 | by cainboy | [ Reply to This ]
      ok, i think i have a title for you..."Disconnect"...whaddya think? it fits with the phone theme and the theme of cutting yourself off from someone...hope u like it! oh, and in line 8, change "then" to "than"...word!
    | Posted on 2005-08-31 00:00:00 | by treybur | [ Reply to This ]
      Aww thats so sad, but pretty. The wording is awesome. I'm sorry I cant help you with the title... I'm not really good at titles. This is excellent though. Flawless. I hope things get better for you. Great job

    -nikkki
    | Posted on 2005-08-30 00:00:00 | by Liv2LoveThePain | [ Reply to This ]
      It was nice in the way that I'm sure it released your emotional build up, but then again it doesn't really stick out of the crowd much, I'm not saying it's bad, it's just it's a certain ammount of something a little bit deeper of yourself, something that connects the deepest part of you and just slams it out there for the rest of us to see. Uh something that says "Hey, I feel this way, It's my emotions, I want you to see them"... There are other deep seeded emotions and things that people have typically a difficulty expressing, I'm one of those people who can't express it all, so I know. But I think you have something in there that you forgot to say or neglected to say, something that would have completely changed the entire piece into something so more you, right now it seems like a rough draft that most teenagers write. but keep it up, you'll do fine.

    (I'm sure that I mispelled something, used a run on sentence, forgot to seperate into paragraphs or something along those lines.. I'm aware of that, but it's how it came out, I'll take time to edit my comments when people actually read them)

    P.s.
    You'll do fine no matter what you do.
    | Posted on 2005-08-30 00:00:00 | by Das_Ein_Sinender | [ Reply to This ]
      I really liked this. It's hard to explain, but I saw it different ways from when I read it the first & second time. It came out as 2 different perspectives & as one perspective - I dont know, or can't find the words to explain, but the way this was set up was very nicely done and you expressed it very well...
    As for a title... it's a song, but fitting here:
    Telephone Line
    Nice write
    Lisa
    | Posted on 2005-08-30 00:00:00 | by ravenwolf68 | [ Reply to This ]
      How about... 37 Missed Calls. Inspired by my answering machine, haha.

    I can kind of relate to this poem because I once waited around for someone ( a boy.. grrr) to call only to tell me abso-friggin-lutely nothing of importance. "I'm hanging out with my friends tonight." THANKS. I just wasted my damn time.. Guys can be frustrating, but you gotta love em. Way to put a crappy situation into great words.

    End transmission,
    | Posted on 2005-08-30 00:00:00 | by Mrs Peabody | [ Reply to This ]
      The only thing I can say here is that your beautiful words need a home ( title) how about accepting the silence? Ant way good write, just name your deeply moving words
    | Posted on 2005-08-30 00:00:00 | by stormyskye | [ Reply to This ]


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