Dawn Of A New Day by stateXofXmind

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Submission Name: Dawn Of A New Day dots

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Author:	stateXofXmind
ASL Info:	18/F
Elite Ratio:	2.09 - 29/49/21
Words:	103

Class/Type:	Poetry/Depressed
Total Views:	241
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	589

Description:
i was really depressed when i was writing this but i actually started trying to look forward to tomorrow,its kinda what its about, it would really help if you told and explained to me how i could improve.

Dawn Of A New Day dots

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As I take a deep breath, Death
comes to join me, I take his
hand in mine
and I know all is well
We walk and talk about the
yesteryears,
the memories we forgot,
the times we watched the rain fall
and wished our problems got
washed away,
as for the times we watched the
eery moon
we will never forget, the
times we waited
to die,but never did,the
times we tried to die, but
never did.
As I take a deep breath,
I remember this is a
dawn of a new day

Submitted on 2005-08-30 19:15:51 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  capturing imagery! so many lines that reminded me of my attempted suicide, i tried, but failed, and yet it did not make me long for death any less than i had before. Truer words may never have been spoken than the ones in this poem. I think maybe the lines could be rearranged so its not so choppy, but overall, i enjoyed it.
| Posted on 2006-02-06 00:00:00 | by BreakAndFall | [ Reply to This ]

this is a different and original way to describe death . the lines
"we will never forget, the
times we waited
to die,but never did,the
times we tried to die, but
never did."

in contast to
"We walk and talk about the
yesteryears,
the memmories we forgot"

really spoke to me

okay this is getting long, but also i love how you made death feel like a friend or person you knew, a friend that understood things maybe no one else would.
| Posted on 2005-12-04 00:00:00 | by Halston | [ Reply to This ]
  Clear meaning and visuals not ranting and good structure made this poem catch me like a fish on a net. i enjoyed every bit of it except the thoughts of death beacuse im a very cheerful person. YouLied said it all it is good
| Posted on 2005-09-04 00:00:00 | by josymanthegreat | [ Reply to This ]
  I def. have to agree with YouLied, it's not average... the words paint a very clear picture, and the ending did tie it up very well... but I'm not sure the foramt fits this piece all that well, it's good and all but I think it could be better if it was rearanged a little bit... but it's still good...
~James~
| Posted on 2005-08-31 00:00:00 | by Darkest Flaw | [ Reply to This ]
  This is not your average depressed/death poem...This is actually really good. The format stands out, it's very unique. I love the ending and how it just ties it all in...Some misspellings, but overall, great work.
| Posted on 2005-08-30 00:00:00 | by YouLied | [ Reply to This ]

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