Description: i'm adding some description for janus, who requested background:
this poem reflects a recent high point in a very significant friendship that's developed in the last several months. the chemistry has been overwhelming at times and the passion high (we've both been dragged along in the wake of this powerful force that seems to have developed a life of its own at times), and we've had to work hard at defining exactly what it is and how we are going to respond to it. this write developed from a mutual affirmation that our friendship does have a future, and that all the work is, after all, very much worh doing :~)
YOU AT LAST -------------------------------------------
like lightning you swept into my life
lighting up the dark corners
revealing my deepest buried secrets
changing everything
like deep water you enfolded me
held me close and calmed my fear
the perfectness of your touch and the
rythme of your breathing bringing peace
this wonderful thing that is you
and all the magic that surrounds you
has swept me up in emotions intense and unspeakable
like the promise of eternal springtime
with passion and refreshing newness
now that line shines with art and expression / this is type of work i'd like to see from you in the comiing lights .../. this is the side of art that i think you'll shine at and / not many poets .../. (and yes you are a poet) can shine at but i think you'll do it amoung the best of us. Janus ...
i'd llove to see more about the poem in the Description box !
This is a good poem full of feelings and emotion! Love is truly a wonderful thing, especially in the beginning when everything is new and growing. I like "the promise of an eternal springtime". That is a wonderful line and a wonderful thought as spring is such a joy! I think you have done a nice job with this poem and have captured the "newness" of young love quite well. The challenge comes in years to come trying to keep that love new and promising! Good poem! Take care!
like lightning you swept into my life lighting up the dark corners revealing my deepest buried secrets changing everything
like deep water you enfolded me held me close and calmed my fear
the perfectness of your touch and the soothing rhythm of your breathing has brung me peace
this wonderful thing that is you and all the magic that surrounds you has swept me up in emotions intense and unspeakable
like the promise of eternal springtime that brings passion and refreshing newness
I was going to go step by step and hopefully give some suggestions but I threw that to the wind and gave you an altered rendition that may or may not suit you. I ordered this into four line stanzas, rearranged some wording and tightened up on the syntax and grammar of it.
Man, this seems like blasphemy to do what I just did. I sincerely hope you don't think I'm raping your poem. After reading it, it just inspired me to rework it and see what came of it. And here it is. Do tell me if you like it, or if you don't.
And again, I'm sorry if this has offended you. I don't think I changed all that much though, to tell you the truth.
Submission Name: YOU AT LAST
