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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: To old to be free....dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Psychopathic_na
    ASL Info:    20/m/UK
    Elite Ratio:    4.82 - 19/26/13
    Words: 154
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 292
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1072



    Description:
       ok.... this took me some time, it may not be up to the right standard as it is still only a draft... i just thought i'd release it early to get your oppinions...

    well...enjoy i suppose....

    (Against my objections my grandmother was put into an old peoples home against my will and it is also where she died....this piece represents my hatred of neglect towards old people)


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTo old to be free....dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Stale breath, the reek of death,
    Dried up blood stains, urine and shit,
    White padded walls, men in white suits,
    The needles, scissors, scalpels too,
    Among't this hell hole on the floor,
    A coakroach runs from door to door,
    The windows barred, doors reinforced,
    Screams echo through the corridors,
    No one gets in, no one comes out,
    Ashes to ashes, dust to dust,
    Say your prayers, they are your last.

    You won't find friends within this place,
    You won't find love , nor air, nor space,
    There's no salvation, No escape,
    Nothing to keep you entertained,
    No birds will sing, no wind will blow,
    Inside this prison, this hell hole,
    And when you die, they take you out,
    No heaven, Hell, Or promised land,
    Your body rotts, Your brain erupts,
    The maggots feast upon your guts,
    Remember this, Remember well,

    ...Old peoples homes = hell....










    Submitted on 2005-09-01 07:45:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      These lines to me are the most powerful -
    "Ashes to ashes, dust to dust,
    Say your prayers, they are your last."
    and
    "No birds will sing, no wind will blow,
    Inside this prison, this hell hole."
    Before I worked E.R. at the hospital here, I worked for about 7 or 8 years on the chronic wing, much like a nursing home. I can remember how empty and dim those patient's eyes were, and how desperately they begged the staff to show them just a little bit of compassion. They were stripped of all rights, and more importantly, of all dignity. Busy overworked nurses who didn't even bother to close curtains before perfoming personal daily chores, such as bed baths, enemas, dressings, etc. Anybody who happened to be present in the ward could plainly see what was going on in that bed, no privacy at all, hence no dignity either. I remember getting into so many arguements with co-workers in such matters. It takes all of 3 seconds to close the curtain, so as to give that person just a little bit of their dignity back, and to preserve whatever remains of their modesty. Needless to say, I left that floor, not because of the patients, but because of their situation which I was apparently helpless to do anything about. It hurt me too much to continue working on that ward. You have captured, to my way of thinking, exactly what it is like for these wonderful seniors, to be raped of all rights and wishes, and I do extend my sympathies to you in your loss. luv cher
    | Posted on 2005-09-01 00:00:00 | by Inducted_Kitty | [ Reply to This ]
      I don't know what kind of nursing home she was in but it sounds horrible. I work at a hospital where there is a nursing home inside and it's not like that at all. But ... I would not want to be here as a patient either. To me nursing homes are impersonal.

    Anyway, I think your wording was strong but there were some spelling errors you can correct. They might be typos but if you correct them I think it would concentrate the reader on the write instead of the error.

    Rotts - Rots
    Coakroach - Cockroach

    I agree with gd66uk when they said that you shouldn't have used sh*t in that line. To me it takes the effectiveness out of that line because the word is too strong to be used. It overpowers the emotion you are trying to portray which (in my opinion) should be avoided as much as possible.

    Anyway, I say all in all ... good job.
    | Posted on 2005-09-01 00:00:00 | by StillimCold | [ Reply to This ]
      this is horrible...and i can say i've had experience...when i was in high school...i worked in a retirement home...and though it wasnt to bad...i've heard of so mant older people being neglected and not properly being cared for in places ...its horrible...these are our elders people we are suppossed to respect...and they are trewated horrible sometimes...it pisses me off...older people are our history...i just dont understand how the human race can be so disrespectful...my grandfather was in a home and i hated it...and he died there to...instead of dieing in his home or a place he felt loved from his family...purps
    | Posted on 2005-09-01 00:00:00 | by purplesun24 | [ Reply to This ]
      i remember my gran going to one of these place,i wouldnt have painted it quite as bleak as you have.It comes across as a very strong bitterness towards them.It flows nicely but i wouldnt have used the word"[censored]"at the end of the second line it looks out of place with the rest of the piece and i think the = sign at the end is also detracts from the poem but nicely written and it gets the message across that you wanted to portray
    graham
    | Posted on 2005-09-01 00:00:00 | by gd66uk | [ Reply to This ]



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