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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Raped Minddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: dreamweaver
    ASL Info:    28/f/WI
    Elite Ratio:    7.22 - 1022/443/42
    Words: 133
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1053
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 936



    Description:
       I know poetry isn't supposed to teach a lesson, but I want some people to understand that there are others who know exactly how they feel if they've been through this. Also, to raise some awareness to those who may have no clue.

    This is very personal to me-but any comments are always welcome. I'm not looking for sympathy....just needed to get some old pain out to some that may understand.

    Thanks treybur for finding the typo!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsRaped Minddots
    -------------------------------------------


    Hidden within the four walls
    of the house down the street,
    lies and secrets dwell.
    Few have heard the silent screams,
    now shut away behind an old bedroom door.

    Five years of a young life,
    locked away in a man-made hell.
    Nightmares and shadows
    keep a young girl in a prison of pain,
    where a trusted soul holds the key.
    Fear burns at her own soul,
    hate now takes over the love in her heart.

    Torn apart little by little,
    day after day.
    Afraid and worn down,
    forced to face the dark alleys alone.

    One man,
    longing for power.
    One little girl,
    unable to defend herself.

    Growing older,
    empty lies become her truth.

    Wholesome hate,
    cold love,
    unbelievable truths,
    honest lies;
    everything she's grown up believing in.




    Submitted on 2005-09-01 09:04:13     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      as your last commenter jer mentioned, the latter half has more impact... but you gradually do so, which makes the end all the more startling. and sad. the pain that you felt i mean. i'd wish this sort of pain on no-one, but people will always feel like this. it makes me sad. truly.

    i don't know what to say Candi. it's just the way things are at times, and we have to let our demons out. and in the case of writers, onto a page that will gradually let us heal.

    an emotional piece.
    ~patch
    | Posted on 2006-04-21 00:00:00 | by jetstream_candy | [ Reply to This ]
      I think the latter half of this write far surpasses the former half. Let me explain:

    The first two stanzas remind me of Creed's "My Own Prison". The feeling and even much of the wording ("four walls", "prison" reference, etc) unfortuately comes off as trite or clichéd because of this similarity.

    That is a shame, because the second half of the write is so much better than that. To me, it feels like you knew what you wanted to say, but were having trouble getting into it until later in the write. Stanzas three, four, and five are very solid, and I think convey the message admirably.

    Going into your last stanza, the ending feels rather stilted... it seems like, for lack of any other way to end, you chose to use the old standby of random dichotomies. To me, they don't add anything, and distract from an otherwise well written piece. I think you would be well served by reworking the opening and closing of this write.

    Just my two cents, and that's probably over-valued.

    | Posted on 2006-04-07 00:00:00 | by jer | [ Reply to This ]
      Hmmm... an interesting write, I can only imagine the difficulty of growing in an environment is which one experience such pain and emotional suffering. Your descriptions and use of imagery were very good, they created the painful images in my mind as I read this.
    You did a very job expressing yourself and I feel persons will be able to relate it was a very interesting write, very well done, despite the subject.

    Also I disagree, I believe poetry can teach lessons, often times very valuable lessons.
    I don't really want to elaborate right now but just thought you should know that. Keep up the great work and have a blessed and wonderful day.
    | Posted on 2006-04-06 00:00:00 | by Departed One | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a wonderful piece. It's filled with so many contradictions, and DoubleThink. I really enjoyed reading this. I could feel the emotion, and the pain that had been hidden inside. Horrible, the things we see at such a young age. We may grow stronger because of it, but we also lose something that makes us what we are I think.

    Nice work.
    | Posted on 2006-01-29 00:00:00 | by Zabriel | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh Candi, this was so hard to read because I could relate so well to this. What a powerful way to use your voice you hid for so long. And what a way to release the power this has over you. Because this was so personal, I won't even bother to nitpick. Old wounds die hard it seems. You did a great job expressing yourself.

    Maggie
    | Posted on 2006-01-28 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
      Let me start by saying that I am not critiquing this piece because it is personal. I know what it feels like to have a rapist attempt to rape, but never have actually experienced the act thereof, which in reality would have left me feeling the way you have felt. I have written a personal piece as well to talk about the things that have affected me in some way or another. It is called a "Child's Unheard Voice". It was my fourth birthday when this sick and demented friend of the family - we didn't know how twisted he really was- decided to lock himself in the bathroom with me. Thank God, my mother's instincts kicked in and she ran to my rescue.

    I am so happy that you have decided to post and let others know the detrimental affects of raping a child. I applaud your bravery and hug you for it to. Thank you for being another voice to share a personal part of your life.

    Love and Hugs, Saby~*~
    | Posted on 2005-12-04 00:00:00 | by CaramelCandy | [ Reply to This ]
      I can't believe I didn't comment on this before! Well, silly me.

    This piece..it was as if you went into my brain, looked at pictures of my life as a child and wrote it down. It hurts to remember, but sometimes hurt is required to heal. And man does that suck. Great write.
    Traci :)
    ps..check out my Victim..it's kinda back a ways, but it'll give you an idea.
    | Posted on 2005-10-10 00:00:00 | by onetruesmartass | [ Reply to This ]
      Poetry is one of the best means of making others aware of wrong actions.
    Long ago men were called 'town criers' and they told the public news to others in rhyme and metered stanzas. Standing on a box on a street corner they offered their muse to all who might listen.
    today you might use the internet, or Elite Skills.
    Too often women are victimized by abusive men, I'll never do that.
    However am I allowed to inspect you guys or quietly remove you clothes in the quietness of my twisted mind?
    Hmm. that sounds pretty innocent to me, as long as it remains quiet and in control.
    This makes me feel for you down deep inside, a very good write indeed.
    | Posted on 2005-09-09 00:00:00 | by Clayton | [ Reply to This ]
      ouch. wow. that hurts, and in a powerful way. it wasn't too wordy, wasn't flowery, overly-descriptive, or overly-metaphorical. just honest and painful, and beautifully written. line 12..."takes". and why in your description did u say that poetry isn't supposed to teach anything?
    | Posted on 2005-09-06 00:00:00 | by treybur | [ Reply to This ]
      i can relate to so much of your work i think maybe we lived in the same house lol,this comes across very emotionally for me and so beautifully written.Its sad in a way that talent like this comes from such tragedy,but talent it is and very well written.Ill go get a handkerchief now to wipe these tears away
    god bless you,thanks for sharing
    graham
    | Posted on 2005-09-05 00:00:00 | by gd66uk | [ Reply to This ]
      Definately a must read. The world is not all lollipops and roses. Hopefully some will read this and gain the courage to finally get it out in the open. Thanks so much for sharing such a difficult time in your life. So many need to learn to get it out and not let it stop them from persuing their dreams.
    Carol
    | Posted on 2005-09-02 00:00:00 | by wannabe1 | [ Reply to This ]
      Hi I guess I can honestly say that I have had a very similar encounter to a point where I felt emotionally drained...However I am also in the process of healing though its been a difficult hurdle to overcome..This piece felt like it was directed to me...Moreover, one can sympathise for we are remorseful creatures by nature...Still I dont mean to sound corny and tell you I understand how you feel, but I know exactly how this feels and it sure does make it rather challenging to trust and allow people inside your heart..Nevertheless the beauty of this piece lies in its truth...I was deeply touched...I have received my bit of healing from this beautiful craft...Hope you got your share!Kindest Regards and lets be HAPPY!Nobantu
    | Posted on 2005-09-02 00:00:00 | by Nobantu | [ Reply to This ]
      welcome aboard Candi, i have the same chit too. mom and dad were nothing nice when i was little and I had a big sister who liked to play little sex games. i feel ya girl! you are still a lion to me
    | Posted on 2005-09-01 00:00:00 | by inspirit999 | [ Reply to This ]
      Phew, dark and powerful, Candi.

    This bleak description of another unfortunate one is very compelling, demanding to be read.

    I disagree with your description, though, I've been trying to teach the world with my poems for years and years!

    A lovely, poignant piece that deserves applause and attention.

    be Happy

    Graeme
    | Posted on 2005-09-01 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      I think anyway one tries to disquise it, abuse is still sbuse and no child should be subjected to it. It seems to me you have described this tragedy very well and I think that is exactly what it is...a tragedy.
    !Doc`
    | Posted on 2005-09-01 00:00:00 | by dr_tigger | [ Reply to This ]
      this is tragic.. no child should ever be subjected to a life like this. emotional and psychological abuse are often harder to heal because the wounds go deeper than the flesh.. they can haunt you for years, as you have shown us. i am very sorry that this happened to you and only hope that you can heal in time and find love and truth in your heart once again.

    stay golden,
    ~Cat
    | Posted on 2005-09-01 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      oh, dream weaver has woven a nightmare. very good... very dark... although nothing of the sort has EVER happened to me... i felt as if i was really there... therefore giving me some understanding.. which is very good. sad. but good. i really liked it. i liked the way you described it to put the picture in my head... yeah... it was just really good.

    Amy
    | Posted on 2005-09-01 00:00:00 | by dancer06 | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh god this is heartbreaking! Absolutely tragic and so very sad. I must say this poem is written extremely well and just breaks my heart to read it. I love the words you chose here to describe something so awful and personal. I feel so much for anyone who goes through something like this even once and yet this poem spans 5 years that have since turned into a lifetime of horrifying memories. I can only imagine what it must be like to have to deal with something like this. I sympathize immensely even though you didnt want that, Candi, I just cant help it. Really well written poem! Great job releasing these emotions and puting them into words. Take care!

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2005-09-01 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh my damn! This is a very descriptive and emotional piece. It is unfortunate that someone would have to go through such--especially a child. It is amazing how it started off. The intro kind of intrigues the reader. I loved the piece but I despise the subject...
    Great job...bad memory....

    X
    | Posted on 2005-09-01 00:00:00 | by xtremegentleman | [ Reply to This ]
      who says poetry isn't supposed to teach a lesson ..i personally thing that poetic lessons are the best lessons ..but I guess I'm a bit biased like that.

    Anyways, this was a very powerful read and I'm glad you decided to share this..people sort of treat these things like non topics, as if there is this social notion of the victim being dirty.. there is some sort of deep personal exposure .. self at display type thing going on it seems .. when the mob is aware of this childhood scar. I'm sorry if I am rambling on about a sore topic. I just think that there is not enough social focus on how much of a destructive virus of a monster these people are .. I want to see asociety were these freaks who rape minds are treated like patients with diseased minds..who needs some thorough institutionalising, mental treatment and behavioural observation.. that someone took them by the scruff and shook some understanding in them .. and perhaps lifted their head up to see some alternative ways to get their frustrations and aggression out .. like sit ups or boar hunting ..

    or something like that ..
    thanks for sharing a deeply personal and emotional piece

    take care,
    Christian
    | Posted on 2005-09-06 00:00:00 | by x-ianhoyskolt | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    72751

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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