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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Essence of Youdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: vedanta19
    Elite Ratio:    3.28 - 503/510/143
    Words: 130
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 1013
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 914



    Description:
       How different are we! as Men and Women. Thought about it lately. The entire feel is different. Trying to capture the essence of a Man's body.

    Found a muse in strange situation. Hence, this poem.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsEssence of Youdots
    -------------------------------------------


    This steel strong arms -
    to hold a lovely her,
    ...she sighs in the curve of your arm;

    A little naughty nervous nerve -
    when kissed near your warm ear,
    ...she moans secretly;

    Those innocent eyes helplessly hide the secrets -
    passionate, comforting, mysterious,
    ...she finds her dreams;

    Your chest faithfully fight war of life -
    there she rests her tired head;
    ...her sad tear touches your soul, sometimes;

    Your ruffled hair -
    capturing seasons - dark and sunny,
    ...she kisses over and ever;

    Your forehead cringes with lines -
    wrinkled, thougtful, anticipating,
    When her kisses go wet;

    When love speaks -
    sometimes, rarely
    sometimes, always
    You and she as one;

    a different world of yours - Oh! dear you.




    Submitted on 2005-09-01 09:15:21     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      this is good. i like it. i serisouly wish i had a relationship like that but do i oooooo no. but thats another story.the flow was perfect no part was choppy. the everything u said describe everything so well.
    ~akaila evonne~
    | Posted on 2005-09-08 00:00:00 | by iluvpoetry_1 | [ Reply to This ]
      i realy liked this two. ah men so diffeernt yet so perfect. i do think that the flow could have been better because as i was reading a lot of it was a bit choppy. but other than that i realy liked this.i look foward to reading more from you.

    ~Gena~
    | Posted on 2005-09-05 00:00:00 | by luvy | [ Reply to This ]
      I love this! I think if you spent some more time on the flow of it it would be 100 times better, but I liked the idea behind it. GUYS ARE AWESOME! lol!
    ~Amanda
    | Posted on 2005-09-01 00:00:00 | by AmandaLyn | [ Reply to This ]
      I wish I could meet someone like you who knows a man's body as well as I know a woman's. That gives me an idea for my next write. lol. Id be interested in getting your take on it. Well done here, and well expressed. Quite elegant with a latent sexuality I find most attractive. Great job.
    -Q
    | Posted on 2005-09-01 00:00:00 | by TechnoticQ | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, i like the thought you are trying to express here.But , i have a problem with the flow .

    1)Steel strong arms -
    2)Naughty nervous nerve -
    3)Slowly, exploring this new land-...can change to..Intense eyes
    4)Your chest faithfully fight war of life- can change to...Your warmth,your shelter
    5)Your kissable hair -
    5 seperate stanzas .
    ..need to start in the same manner .stz 3 and 5 need to be revised...They're are not in the same mode as the other 3.


    This is a wonderful try actually in terms of its theme and is unique too
    Peace

    Trish
    | Posted on 2005-09-01 00:00:00 | by Sophia | [ Reply to This ]


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