Description: i did a bit of editing on this, way too many stanzas and i know how repitition is sometimes looked down upon, however in this case i tried to use that idea... any suggestions on how to improve on it?
- fifi
...Just in Case... -------------------------------------------
that dress...
that dress you got a long time ago
didn’t quite fit
not the right look
you got it anyway
just in case...
that perfume...
that perfume you got a long time ago
a bit too strong
a little too heavy
you have it anyway
just in case...
that book ...
that book you got a long time ago
way too thick
plot’s kinda boring
you got it anyway
just in case...
that girl ...
that girl you got a long time ago
smokes a lot
laughs too much
you have her anyway
just in case...
that same girl ...
that same girl from a long time ago
she might get tired
and get up to leave
she knows when she..
doesn’t fit
seems to strong
a little too thick
just feels wrong
she’ll leave you alone
to prevent that rejection
but she’s still here
just in case...
This was really good. It is a shame when we hold onto something for that "just in case" reason. We end up holding onto things that take up space, when it could be replaced with the one thing that really should be there.
This was written well. I think that the repetition was fine. It didn't bother me at all. At times,.....when you write a piece that has that inner emotion....it is best to write it EXACTLY how it comes to mind. And I think that is what you did on this piece. As you thought it...you wrote it.
Submission Name: ...Just in Case...
