Description: this is the first thing I wrote when the girl of my life left me ...it was writtent within the hour after our final separation...
Dark monument -------------------------------------------
Now look at me
Just take a look at what you’ve done to me
No matter what I say
You’re always doing what u want
But tell me how can I
Understand your life
And raise that dead body
That keeps falling down in my bed
Everyday and every night I cry
I try to live but just wanna give up the ghost
Will this moody story have an end
Everyday and every night I cry
I try to forget but just want the death
To come to me and put an end to my misery
The gloomy side of the world
Put too much weight on my shoulders
I can’t stand looking at happy people
Cuz I am not so happy at all
But when I’m looking down in the hole
I feel some beauty draining my veins
An Illness that cut rage in my head
A feeling I don’t want to forget
Everyday and every night I cry
I try to live but just wanna give up the ghost
Will this moody story have an end
Everyday and every night I cry
I try to forget but just want the death
To come to me and put an end to my dreams
Now day-by-day I’m growing stronger than ever
Enjoying myself in eternal darkness
Don’t try to stop me cuz you know it’s all your fault
I’ becoming your Dark monument.
it's okay. I guess it would be better sung, but i guess the absence of rhymes gets me. But if ur bad at rhymes, hey don't put them in. It's just not as powerful without them. I really liked that line "raise that dead body that keeps falling down in my bed"... that's a really strong image. The images are very nice! It's not too cliched, but watch out! At some points you kinda give up into cliche-ness. You've got lotsa nice stuff going, just some little brush-ups to do. ~CW
Needs some kind of power boost. Whether its stronger visualization, or symbolic elements...your too direct here to cast an emotion from me...but this has potential..
Submission Name: Dark monument
