Description: I had a nightmare a few nights ago. I haven't had one that bad in so long that it absolutely terrified and unraveled me. My lover held me as I lay shivering and crying. And though I tried to push him away, he refused to budge. Instead, he forced me back down...dragged me kicking and screaming out of my own fears. How many times have you done that already, Arick?
I love you.
Like a junkie after a bad trip,
I felt myself shy away
From your words, your touch, your comfort.
Balled up in self-induced terror.
My mind and body feel like war,
After collecting shadowy ghosts of emotions
Capturing memories gone wild.
Scratching my skin,
Convinced that tiny shards of glass
(perhaps born from a half-shattered soul)
Are trying to evacuate my now limp body.
Simply a dream;
A slide show of images,
A flash photo of events passed,
Yet it reduces me to this...
This shivering child.
This paranoid addict.
Unable and unwilling to cope
With my own memories -
Memories that I gather and hold hostage,
Like bits of string, dead grass, old shoe laces.
To build a nest.
Attacking any who come near
To the core of my loss...
And the beginning of my gain.
This is real! A raw and honest image! I think we've all had a bad dream or two. We've all experienced the fear of which you speak. We all try to cope in our own way. To have your lover nearby, to cling to, surely is the best way to ride out this kind of storm. Just a few suggestions:
L5 - I think it should be "feeling". L8 - "scratched" L10 - "borne" L21 - "old shoe laces"?
I think the fear, passion, remembrances, and the comparison to "nest" building, are all the best parts of this.
"Memories that I gather and hold hostage, Like bits of string, dead grass, old shoe laces."
A very good poem, very emotional, interesting to read, it holds the reader's interest all the way through to the end. I could feel the terror in your heart, the easing of that by your lover's touch, and your own self-realization that you must live with this. In a lot of ways "tondo" is correct in his comparison to Emily Dickinson, it does read like something she might write. Although your experiences and hers are worlds apart.
This was a most enjoyable read, something you wrote straight from your heart, and that comes through to the reader.