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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: My Home Towndots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: BenCollier
    Elite Ratio:    3.72 - 425/386/88
    Words: 205
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 899
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1210



    Description:
       Based on "39" by Queen, if you know the tune it makes this pice so much more poignant.

    your friend
    ben


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMy Home Towndots
    -------------------------------------------


    In the year ’05 witness here you lucky souls
    Of the days when men devolve.
    Here a tempest rised and consumed a vibrant town
    Twas the saddest sight ever seen

    As the night followed day, and the people washed away
    As the soul of man grew cold
    Though so many dead and gone as we face another morn
    Your mothers eyes through their eyes, pray for them

    Can you hear their call, though they’re many miles away
    Can you hear them calling you
    Make a promise as a man, for today they need your hand
    In a land that my children knew

    Elders old and gray now that nature had it’s way
    Prefer to die than fight
    Thugs rule on the street, and people that you meet
    See no amnesty in sight

    The water in the land, through it’s poisoned hand
    Will take their life with glee
    For salvation of the lot, the caring we have not
    As we close our world from them

    Can you hear their call, though they’re many miles away
    Can you hear them calling you
    Make a promise as a man, for today they need your hand
    In a land that my children knew




    Submitted on 2005-09-02 04:28:43     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      sorry...not so much a comment, as a rant or ramble.
    your poem made me rethink it all, and I ended up comparing the 'then' that you captured so well in you words, to the 'now'; and my comment was what resulted.
    Sorry if I was no help to your writing.
    Your words turned my mind, and off I went.
    I hope you were wanting your words to be thought-provoking,
    because they certainly were. :)
    | Posted on 2005-12-16 00:00:00 | by latentlylyrical | [ Reply to This ]
      I've kinda been waiting to comment on this piece until I'd heard the song...
    I believe music adds more emotion to expression, and when words go along then its quite moving stuff.
    well, I still havent heard it, but I wanted to go ahead and comment, anyhow. ;)
    I'm outside of Baton Rouge, so I know the turn of events.
    Those days right after the storm were a hell on earth. We listened to the news nonstop on our portable radios, (one some level not believing that any of this was happening ~here~), and sat in lines for hours for food or gas whenever we got the chance. And we became a different population nearly overnight.
    I know ten times as many people from the areas directly south and east of Baton Rouge now than I did before the storm, since so many have become neighbors.
    People were literally scattered to the wind.
    And things arent too much better down towards New Orleans and below than they were a week after the storm. There is SO much to do to clean up...they are still hauling cars off the streets. There is a massive junk car lot being filled up not far from my house. Every one of those cars on that two-mile long stretch of land was under water, or otherwise damaged by the storm. Many are covered with an awful mudslime. I can't imagine the work that needs to be done to the buildings. It will be years before New Orleans and its suburbs will get rolling again.

    My heart goes out to all the folks from there that I meet. Those are hard times that those people are going through. It would be bad enough to lose a home, but to lose a hometown must be gutwrenching.

    My best wishes to your people from the area. I hope they can have a truly merry christmas, and a much happier new year. :)
    | Posted on 2005-12-16 00:00:00 | by latentlylyrical | [ Reply to This ]
      Ah, I see SHRINKSDR commented on yours AFTER you commented on his. 8^) insider etc. This is poignant, & if I knew the song, I know it'd be even MORE powerful! "As we closed our world from them" puts finger on the most desperately sad thing that happened to NOLA as the disaster unfolded on the news. It was a tragedy that rather rolled like a snowball, grew & grew until it was a snowball that could withstand fires of hell. It was terrible, & it was awful to see the look on your face sometimes about places you loved & the group of people you called fellows.
    I hate it that we never made it to NOLA b4 the hurricane. I had so been looking 4ward to that. If we go in the next few months, we'll share whatever happens, and THAT will be memorable too. But I want to have fun with you there one day. Freakin' gobs of decadent fun! I hope that cool tree with the treehouse is still standing!
    Je t'aime mon loup mechant!
    ta cherie
    Cleo
    | Posted on 2005-09-20 00:00:00 | by CleoCollier | [ Reply to This ]
      Very heart felt!! Certainly as an insider you've put a more human face on the tragedy.

    The people of New Orleans should lnow that we outsiders are devasted by their loss which is also our loss! We care, contribute to their relief, and worry for their welfare.

    I hope that you and yours are safe and well and grieve with you!


    Steve
    | Posted on 2005-09-16 00:00:00 | by SHRINKSDR | [ Reply to This ]
      this is probly the only katrina poem i've liked. its easy to tell southern folks, i guess. i like the use of 39. great song to use. parallels, anyone?
    CJ
    | Posted on 2005-09-15 00:00:00 | by jahhnysmom | [ Reply to This ]
      Well done, Dave, well done indeed.
    I'm not familiar with that particular Queen song, but that didn't lessen the power and poignancy of your call to arms.

    Thanks God for your good news, and God help those less fortunate.

    Well done, I can't bring myself to write anything yet, about Katrina. New orleans is one of my favorite places in the world.

    Be Happy

    graeme
    | Posted on 2005-09-06 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      This was very poignant and hard hitting! I can imagine that you must have felt a call to write about the Katrina devastation with your family there.
    This just says it like it is in a poetic way and I just feel very thankful for you that your loved ones are ok.
    Thanks for reminding us all that this hits home and that we should do whatever we can to help! Love,Peace,Joy! tif ; )
    | Posted on 2005-09-02 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]


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