Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Raven's Flightdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Raivn
    ASL Info:    33/f/al
    Elite Ratio:    4.28 - 1222/916/231
    Words: 134
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 685
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 941



    Description:
       I really am not sure where this came from. I guess I was thinking of flying away from this situation.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsRaven's Flightdots
    -------------------------------------------


    "Fly away!" he cried,
    "Fly far away from me!"
    Ruffled feathers fluttered in the air,
    Too dark for him to see.

    She took wing and flew,
    Far away, and fast,
    Before her tender, beating heart
    Could be taken and smashed.

    But somehow, her frenzied flight
    Brought her right back here,
    To the hands that knew her shape,
    And the arms that held her near.

    Her tender, precious heart,
    In peril again, from him,
    Accepted her master once more, and accordingly,
    Bent to his every whim.

    He took her body and used her,
    Clipped those incredible wings.
    He left her hurt and useless,
    A bird with no reason to sing.

    "Fly away!" he cried,
    "I want nothing more of this!"
    But her soul had taken wing.
    Her eyes were emptiness.




    Submitted on 2005-09-02 09:44:16     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I really got into this write. I could feel her pain and sadness. But the last stanza throwed me off.

    Her eyes were emptiness.

    It sounded a bit forced to this lovely write. Other then that, I wouldn't change a thing.

    illusions
    | Posted on 2005-09-03 00:00:00 | by illusions35904 | [ Reply to This ]
      Very creative and lots of imagination. Remember though, even wings that are clipped will grow again - someday ! Excellent write.
    | Posted on 2005-09-02 00:00:00 | by Frank Maguire | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    72881

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    Cover written by saartha
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    Records I written by Raphael
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    The World written by jjd
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Etiquette written by saartha
    Angel Eyes written by poetotoe
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    untitled written by ShyOne
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    Carry written by saartha
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry