[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: drowningdots

    Author: St. Agatha
    Elite Ratio:    3.56 - 125/107/37
    Words: 109
    Class/Type: Poetry/Romance
    Total Views: 758
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 586

       this is about a relationship I am in right now that I don't know how long it will last. It is nice to have a body to hold, but my heart and mind is elsewhere. I just wish it were easier to give up.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    I thought what I wanted
    was to jump in head first
    and just keep swimming
    after a few strokes
    I had to come up for air
    the cold air pierced my hungry lungs
    I realize now that
    I was gasping for breath
    I was drowing
    I am not so sure I want to keep going
    the shore is not too far behind me
    it is not too late to head back
    if I dry off for awhile in the warming sun
    I can jump in when I am ready for the long journey
    but the water feels good rightnow
    I amnot sure I am ready to get out

    Submitted on 2005-09-02 10:23:50     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      A good metaphorical piece. It really explored the themes of desire, sensibilty, impatience, impulse, indecision...and many more, all in 16 lines! At first I felt a lack of rhythm, but by the end I thought that this was almost necessessary for the poem to work. Just a few petty spelling mistakes...but mostly a great poem!
    | Posted on 2005-10-02 00:00:00 | by Natalia Murray | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice. The metaphor used was excellent. At times, things were really like that for me, but I never thought of comparing it to swimming. Continue being in the water. I trust that there is more to lose by getting out right now. ^_^
    | Posted on 2005-09-04 00:00:00 | by whchong | [ Reply to This ]
      I enjoyed this piece. I have to say though, where can a relationship go when there is doubt involved? There should be no doubt. Doubt leads to infidelity, infidelity leads to suicides. At least thats my take on it. The metaphor was very clever- I enjoyed that most of all. Lots of talent. Good job fellow michigander 20something.
    | Posted on 2005-09-02 00:00:00 | by TechnoticQ | [ Reply to This ]
      Keep testing the water. You will know in your heart whether to swim off, tread water, or risk drowning. The concept of relating a relationship to a swim in the water was very clever and highly original.
    | Posted on 2005-09-02 00:00:00 | by Frank Maguire | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]