it sounds like a spectacular opening to some movie or play, with all it's creeping images and if it werent morning now, i'd have chills. i appreciate how the stanza about trees makes it feel like this could all be the writer's imagination. you arent sure what's going to happen, i would say, based on my first point, that it lacks a definate conclusion, not that you have to describe the whole thing, but leave us with a hint of what might happen. what is he givivng himself up to when he "succumbs" to the night? bad dreams? I havent a clue what happens next , but i would really like to know. cheers ariadne
Wow this was truely awsome! I honestly can't think of any complaints. This just seemed to flow nice and the structure was great. The rhyme scheme was good too. I'm not usually into dark poems but I liked this one. I liked this part of the poem in particular...
"This invoking of some kind Every night here you will find Inside my thoughts they breed and throng Keeping me awake too long
The madness now begins to fade From screaming bright to muted shade Finally the time has come To this night I will succumb"
That part just seemed to stand out to me. But any ways this was nice!
foretokened... Nice. I love the last verse, and the one i like least is the third, along with the line They whisper something to the moon... I wish you would change something to... to... wordlessly... They whisper wordlessly to the moon... With that line in there the poem looks amazing in my eyes. It's all, screaming a night in some fantasy world, danger littered about like leaves in fall. I thoughroughly enjoyed this piece. It was written well and had a good, unforced rhyme scheme and vocabulary. Great write. -rue
The madness now begins to fade From screaming bright to muted shade Finally the time has come To this night I will succumb
I thought that this last part was just wonderful.. i liked the rest of the poem but if it sounded as great as these last four lines it would be a really excellent peice!! i would love to see more like this! ~*~amber~*~ you are welcome to go and read some of my poems:)
Submission Name: Nocturnal
