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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Nocturnaldots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: shoggoth
    ASL Info:    24/m/croatia
    Elite Ratio:    4.74 - 80/84/30
    Words: 95
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 1003
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 628



    Description:
       Any comment...good or bad!

    I changed the last line in the second stanza thanks to Rue's advice (again :) ), I was just wondering if 'of' would be better than 'from' ?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsNocturnaldots
    -------------------------------------------


    Enter now, my nightly friend
    To witness my foretokened end
    At this dark and wilful time
    Evil soon will reach its prime

    The trees awake to greet the night
    And join with surliness and spite
    Dancing to the vibrant tune
    And wordless whispers from the moon

    This invoking of some kind
    Every night here you will find
    Inside my thoughts they breed and throng
    Keeping me awake too long

    The madness now begins to fade
    From screaming bright to muted shade
    Finally the time has come
    To this night I will succumb




    Submitted on 2005-09-02 18:11:42     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      it sounds like a spectacular opening to some movie or play, with all it's creeping images and if it werent morning now, i'd have chills. i appreciate how the stanza about trees makes it feel like this could all be the writer's imagination. you arent sure what's going to happen, i would say, based on my first point, that it lacks a definate conclusion, not that you have to describe the whole thing, but leave us with a hint of what might happen. what is he givivng himself up to when he "succumbs" to the night? bad dreams? I havent a clue what happens next , but i would really like to know.
    cheers
    ariadne
    | Posted on 2005-09-03 00:00:00 | by ariadne | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow this was truely awsome! I honestly can't think of any complaints. This just seemed to flow nice and the structure was great. The rhyme scheme was good too. I'm not usually into dark poems but I liked this one. I liked this part of the poem in particular...

    "This invoking of some kind
    Every night here you will find
    Inside my thoughts they breed and throng
    Keeping me awake too long

    The madness now begins to fade
    From screaming bright to muted shade
    Finally the time has come
    To this night I will succumb"

    That part just seemed to stand out to me. But any ways this was nice!


    Brenna
    | Posted on 2005-09-03 00:00:00 | by Day DreaMeR | [ Reply to This ]
      foretokened... Nice. I love the last verse, and the one i like least is the third, along with the line They whisper something to the moon... I wish you would change something to... to... wordlessly... They whisper wordlessly to the moon... With that line in there the poem looks amazing in my eyes. It's all, screaming a night in some fantasy world, danger littered about like leaves in fall. I thoughroughly enjoyed this piece. It was written well and had a good, unforced rhyme scheme and vocabulary. Great write. -rue
    | Posted on 2005-09-02 00:00:00 | by Rue | [ Reply to This ]
      The madness now begins to fade
    From screaming bright to muted shade
    Finally the time has come
    To this night I will succumb

    I thought that this last part was just wonderful.. i liked the rest of the poem but if it sounded as great as these last four lines it would be a really excellent peice!! i would love to see more like this!
    ~*~amber~*~
    you are welcome to go and read some of my poems:)
    | Posted on 2005-09-02 00:00:00 | by rocknpoetrychik | [ Reply to This ]


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